Paint

Hello everyone! I just wanted to drop in and say hi and tell you all how much I love to paint. I've been on a painting spree and I have no idea why, but it's a lot of fun and it has been making me super happy ^-^
I'm a very artistic person in case any of you hadn't already heard, I love to paint and draw and color and craft and all that fun stuff, so the fact that I have been really into painting isn't big news, it's just that I haven't really wanted to do much else, just paint. Non stop. All day. I love it ^-^ so yeah, I just felt like sharing ^-^ have a great rest of the week, since there is only one day left haha and have a great weekend :D

Guys Just Don't Get It.

Okay so since I still don't have ajob I enrolled in the local community college. It isn't really something that I am looking forward to, but it is really better than nothing, right? Maybe they'll be able to help me get a job, I mean, that would really be great!

Everyone in my family is hurting right now. My moms frozen shoulder is acting up again, she can't lift her arm up and she can't do the dishes (our dish washer is broken and since the other two living in the house are also currently unavaliable for manuall labor I gett to do it) becauseher hands are so messed up.
My dad has a lot of muscular promblems in his left arm which has now become all but completely useless. He has constant pain in his entire left side and just tousching it seems to hurt him.
My baby brotheris getting ill, he is coughing and sneezing all over the place and he is spreading all his germs everywhere and it is digusting. My mom is about ready to banish him to his room.
I started my period today so I am super irritated by every little thing and I'm cramping and it hurts like a bitch! If you're a guy, don't you DARE say "oh, i understand" or "so?" or anything other than "Here, would you like this peppermint bark? can I get you a grande peppermint white chocolate mocha from Starbucks?" because you do oNOT understand what I am going through!! This is my time of the month and I will NOT be messed with! Do you understand !!?!!
. . .
Whoa, I had a total moment there haha anyways..uhmm..I think I'm going to go grab my coat and slip on some uggs and head off for some starbucks...I'm having a craving lol . . . yeah..
lates!

Hotel? Public Wifi? Wow..

Hey everyone!
Yesterday was my boyfriends birthday (day before yesterday..the 22nd lol) and so he turned 18 and we went to the casino!! It was a lot of fun, other than the whole "Throw away your money!!" thing XD

Anyway haha so yesterday yesterday was Christmas for my dads side and we drew names and I got to meet my cousins girlfriend. Hw asked her to formal with candles and everything, it was really cute. She's this tiny little  thing and so shy and timid and she turns Bright red so easily, it makes me laught lol

I'm in a hotel room right now, it's really weird cause normally I don't use public wifi but I really wanted to lete you guys know that I'm in Sacremento right now for Christmas with my moms side and my entire family will be here and it is super exciting!!! :D

That's about t haha, I'll post more when I get back home!

Dinner Disaster

I do not have one culinary bone in my body, okay? I am, in fact, very good at burning food and if it isn't completely scorched, it is utterly disgusting and my mother, bless her heart, is trying to remedy that. She is trying to prepare me for living on my own, not just using a microwave to reheat leftover pizza or frozen dinners. I love her to death, and I am so glad that she cares enough to try and help me, but I have decided that I am just so far beyond help that not even my dear mother will be able to fix me.
She tried to have me make dinner tonight. It's a simple enough dish, there are seriously only like five ingrediants total. So it started off okay enough, mama had me open a can or corn and so I grabbed the can opener and started opening the can. Mama came back almost ten minets later and I was still twisting the can opener and the can was still sealed shut. Mama had to open it for me...
So we got the can open and I poured the contents into the bowl with the cornbread mix and an egg, started stirring and I had to go back and forth between stirring the bowl nad some beans that I had heating up on the stove. The beans ended up burnt and the mixture in the bowl was clumpy. My mother tryed helping me as little as possible because she wanted me to do it all on my own. So I tried to fix the beans and the mixture as best I could. I poured about a third of the mixture into a pan and then very poorly spread it evenly on the bottom. After emptying the beans over that I dumped a bunch of cheese on top and the the rest of the mixture. We threw it in the oven and set a timer for 50 minuets. Now I have been banished from the kitchen and my mom is irritated with my incompetence.
All of that took almost half an hour just because I am THAT lost in a kitchen. Needless to say this was very much a little dinner disaster.

Here I Am!!!

I'm still here! It's been so long haha but I'm still here, I haven't forgotten you guys, I promise.

Okay, so a lot has happened in the past while since I last posted haha not really, but I like to pretend like a lot really happened so that I feel like I actually have a life, you know?

First of all, I lost my phone, couldn't find it anywhere and I was so sad! I went two days without it before my dad took me to get a new one. I now have a Pantech Renue and so far it has been working well. I don't use the slide out buttons or anything that much, I really do prefer the touch screen but having the option is kind of nice.

I cleaned my room! It is finally organized and all clean and I am so excited ^-^ I'll post picture later, I'm so lazy right now haha

I have all of my Christmas shopping done!! I did the last of it todady and I am so glad I don't have to brave the crowds any more. I have three Christmas's, and it is super hectic trying to get everything done in time for them all. On Sunday I am going to my Aunts house for my dad's side Christmas, then Monday I am going to Sac for my moms side Christmas, we're lucky my sister will be able to join us for that one. Then we have our sibling name/immediate family gift exchange, always on Christmas morning. There is just so much to do haha I'm glad I got it all done in time.

ALso, my boyfriends birthday is this Saturday, I got him a birthday gift and card. He is turning 18 so he wants to go to an Indian casino and gamble away all of his money, and he wants to take me with him so I need to talk to my parents about that before I give him a definate answer. I'm not much of a gambler, I mean, I don't really like the idea of wasting money. I guess that might just be because I am a bit of a penny pincher though, huh? Anways, with any luck I'll be back in town a few days after Christmas, then I can spend New Year with my boyfriend and his family or friends or something. I love New Year, it is my second favorite holiday, right after Halloween ^-^

Uhmm...Oh!!!
I got to help my boyfriends little sister find a dress for her winter formal! She came over and went through my dresses and we found her one to match the tie her boyfriend has (a very expensive tie that really isn't all that nice to look at...) but she took a necklace as well and her mom is going to get her come purple heels to match. I'm so excited for her, I hope she has a lot of fun ^-^

My Mothers Birthday and Boyfriends Birthday Isssues

Today was a special day, my mother turned into a senior citizen today. he hates her birthday, which is probably where I get it from, so we try not to make too big of a deal out of it. Well, anyways, so I went out with a few of my girlfriends, spent the day looking around stores for cheap stuff. Found some really cute things, but nothing worth opening my wallet for. Let me tell you, I love shopping, but when I have to spend my own money, I am a penny pincher that would put Mr. Scrooge to shame. The most expensive thing I have ever bought with my own money was a sexy white T shirt that I don't even have anymore, and that shirt was like $15. Such a waste.
Afterwards, we three ended up at the mall, which really doesn't have anything cheap. Needless to say, I went home empty handed hahaha but I did have a lot of fun with the girls, talking about our nerdy boys and what we should get them for Christmas/birthdays. Speaking of which, my boyfriends birthday is comming up and I have no idea what to get him...I need serious ideas you guys. I mean, I don't want to hear "Dress up like a gift and let him unwrap you" (already heard it from the girls), I want really great ideas. I heard about this website, thinkgeek.com or something like that, I could probably go on there, but what are the chances of me getting something in time for his birthday which is less than two weeks away >.< I'm in trouble....

Totally Random

Hey you guys! XD I love that movie, The Goonies, such a great movie. Uhmm...not much to say. My dad came home, he spent the week in New York so I guess it's good to have him home again. Tomorrow he is going to give me Admin control on my laptop so that is exciting. Uhmm...my mothers birthday is on Friday, the same day that The Hobbit is released. On Saturday there is a Christmas party for the college group at church, they'll be going to The Hobbit afterwards and I want to go but then again I really love Magic Night. I'll have to think about it. Neither of my parents have said anything about me being kicked out which is odd, dad most likely told mom what happened and she most likely told him not to kick me out at least until after the holidays. Uhmm...my fingers are cold hahaha that's about it, not much going on. I want to bike to Demons (see last post) house some time this week, I need air for my bike tires. I have AWANA on Wednesday. I need to get my mom a birthday gift. I just ate pasta. I don't have a favorite color. The walls in my room are painted 'Cranberry Bog' and yes, I did paint them myself, over summer a few years ago, one of my friends came over and helped me. I think ribbons are nice. I want to change the picture I have on here because the vurrent one bothers me and I'm not sure why. Uhmm...that's all I can think to say at the moment so...bye!!

Friday!!!

This is my make up post for having not posted about yesterday when I should have...uh, which would be yesterday, but it's now tomorrow, which is today so...whatever, 12:07 AM on Sunday XD

Okay

Friday!! I woke up at 9 in the morning and scrambled to get ready to meet up with an old friend of mine at the mall. This friend is very into the whole demon thing, not sure how else to put it, and he has had a number of experiences which relate to ghosts or spirits or other worldly activity, so I guess from now on I will just refer to him as Demon. Sound good? Great.
Okay, so I had to meet Demon at the mall by 10AM, so I was super happy to arrive just 15 minuets after the appointed time because as you all are well aware, I run on my own time schedule. ANyway, so I got there, walk into the mall and I see this guy who looks just like one of my exs (now, I have quite a few ex boyfriends, but this one is not exactly a guy I want to see. Ever.) so I duck into the shoe place, walk to the back and text Demon telling him that I am aat the mall. Of course, he says that he is in the arcade, which is where the ex look alike is. So after a few minuets of BS about pretty shoes, I walk out and there is Demon with my ex look alike, talking and having fun. Upon closer inspection, I find out it really isn't my ex, but the whole time I was super awkward because he looks and acts SO much like this ex that it was kind of creepy. So he hung out with us until about 12 because he was meeting a friend. We didn't really do much, just kind of walked in and out of shops, got some candy, and walked. A lot.
After Demons friend left, we walked to Target which is right next to the mall. In the middle of shopping for my sister, Demon asks if we can head back to his place so he can take care of a few chores that he needs to get done before his mom gets home. I agree, not like I really have much to do. So he calls his mom, tells her he and I will be there in an hour to do the chores, I pay for my things, and we start walking to Johnny Quick where I give him 5 bucks to buy some cigs (I quit, but he really needed a smoke, or five, because he was so irritable that I was about to punch him and the fact that he was shaking was starting to bother me) then we start walking to his house. And walking. And walking for an hour to his house. After we get there, he turns on Papa Roach and we start getting all the Christmas boxes out of his garage. Now, I know that some people are really into Christmas, but this was just ridiculous. There were like 7 or 8 big boxes of just Christmas stuff, and they were heavy. After we finally finished moving the boxes, we spent a few minuets trying to hook up his garage door opener. Didn't take too long, so we were quickly on our way back to the mall. Another hour of walking.
This is where things get very normal between him and I. On the way back, he had to stop and lean against a pole, grabbing at his side and acting like he was all fine, even though he looked like he was in pain. After we get to the mall, we sit on a bench and I force him to tell me what is wrong with him. He explains that some people believe that the full moon is like a portal, and every full moon, there is this Thing that goes straight to his house and whenever he brings a loved one over, It follows his loved one back to their house and hurts them until they leave him. The full moon was a few days ago and I was the first loved one he had brought over to his house since then and that he was afraid this Thing would make me leave him too. I told his that it couldn't be any worse than what I have already delt with in my life, but the look he gave me made me stop for a moment and pause.
Well, after that, we spent another hour or so together until we hopped into my car and I drove him home (didn't want to make him walk again) and then I went back to my place. We spent about seven hours together.
Did I ever happen to mention that neither my boyfriend nor my bestie like Demon? I can't help that I have a bit of a soft spot for him though, I mean..we went through a lot together, and I think of him as a girl friend, not a guy friend. I am so comfortable around him, like, I could take him into Victoria's Secret (now my poor boyfriend is going to think I'm showing him my bras, great) and it wouldn't be awkward or anything. I complained to him about guys when I was single and when I was with my ex, I bitched to Demon about him because Demon didn't really seem to mind and he actually listened. We were going to give dating a try, but he got with another girl and so I got with another guy. Guy broke up with me, I got with another guy and we never really seemed to be single at the same time. Looking back on it, I'm glad we never dated, it would have ruined the friendship that we have now and I wouldn't be with my boyfriend. I mean, Demon is a great guy and he really is sweet to me, but I can kind of understand why most guys seem to really hate him.
Oh well, I guess we're going to just live and learn.
My Friday was great, I had a lot of fun. I found out I could bike to Demons house if I need to rant to him or something. I love talking to my bestie and my boyfriend, but sometimes I need to talk to someone who isn't them..I hope they can understand that. I know Demon isn't their first choice for me to be around, but he is one of the closest people to me, absolutly in my top 5 closest people. They'll have to learn to respect and understand that. I've known him since 8th grade, and he accepted me when I hated everybody. In 8th grade, it was seriously just me and my bestie at church (we had just barely become friends over a ruined relationship) and then Demon and I at school. That was it. I had just switched schools, and I was this little emo punnk goth kid who hated everything. How they stuck by me, I have no clue, but I'm glad they did.

Yeah, got a little off topic at the end, but you all get the point haha
Anyway, I have church in the morning. Night!

Vons

Hey everyone, so I am really excited about my mac n cheese hahaha the water is boiled and the pasta is in! Oh my god, why am I so excited about mac n cheese? I don't know haha but I am!!

Anyways, so today has been very..educational. Is that the word I am looking for? Probably not, hold on, it'll come to me.....okay maybe not haha
Well, my mama found this bell yesterday and since then I have been wearing it around me neck like a cat. Not really cure why, but I like the sound it makes when I move. Anyway, I had to make a quick run to Vons so I could get the milk for my mac n cheese, right? So I drove to Vons, parked (better than normal) and walked into the store. I got a few looks from the guy putting away the shopping carts, but I ignored it and went straight for the milk. On my way there, there was this really old guy staring at me and it made me super uncomfortable, I seriously felt like he was going to jummp me or something! So I kinda walked quickly past him, and then I got my milk and went to the Express Lane for check out. It was really crowded. Everyone seemed to be in a bad mood and then there was me, standing there with my gallon of milk, smiling and playing with my little bell. I felt so out of place, you guys, it was insane. Anywho, so I bought my milk and left. It started to rain! Just a little bit, but hey, rain is rain and I love it haha
Yeah, so that was my pointless story, just giving you all a little peak into my day to day life. It's really boring, huh? Yeah, I know, sadface..
^-^ I have a bell ^-^
Mac N Cheese is ready! Bye!!!

Holidays Tea! Sleepy Spaz Random Post XD

Hey you guys.. I'm feeling sad right now. A year ago, I lost a very dear friend. I posted about him a while ago, I just feel like it wasn't right that he should be taken away so soon. I don't know, maybe I have just lost too many people. The holidays always make me sad, you know? It's just, the two people that I love the most love Christmas and this time of year so much and then here I am just here all like "Why does it have to be so freakin cold, dude?" you know? I never really like Christmas, it was just never my cup of tea.

( ^ That was saved in a draft last night because it was like 5 in the morning and I was falling asleep XD Everything below this is from today and no, I am no longer sad hahaha )

Speaking of tea, I have been in just a tea mood that I can hardly keep the water boiled long enough to satisfy my cravings. I heard about a mint tea from a very old friend of mine, she and I were fast friends in kindergarten, that will tell you just how long our friendship has lasted, and she said that this mint tea was her absolute favorite. I am really excited to try it, the problem is I have to buy it and that costs money so it could be a while hahah

I am so tired, I was up until almost five this morning vidchatting with one of my guy friends. He isn't really a guy that my boyfriend approves of, but he is a dear friend of mine so my boyfriend has to deal with it. Anyway, so we were talking and I realized just how much we both have changed over the 5 or 6 six years that we have been friends. He isn't nearly as spazzy and although I wouldn't say he is the most mature guy I know, he has matured a lot over the years. He told me that I am a lot more open with people now, not so huddled up in a corner with a knife saying "Get away from me you freak alien things!" (which is more of my interpretation of what he said and not a direct quote). It really does amazing me how much a person can change in so little time. Really, quite amazing.

Anyway, other than all of that..yes I am still without a job, I applied for a substitute preschool aid in my school district, still waiting to hear back from that. I am waiting on  few places to call me back still, and...yeah. I am not yet enrolled in any kind of schooling at the moment. Uhmm...in all of that, I really haven't changed. I guess I will see you guys, well, not see you, but you'll be reading more later haha have a great day everyone!

It's Finally Happened

Well you guys, it has finally happened. Yes, just a few days ago my father looked at me and told me that I have to get a job or move out. Honestly, I have been expecting this and thought he would have done it a bit sooner, but I suppose that now is as good a time as any. He yelled quite a bit and then told me get out of his sight so that he could cool down. About ten minues later he knocked on my door and told me to go to my boyfriends house so that mom wouldn't have to cook two dinners. I don't have a problem with skipping dinner, I've been known to do it before, but I guess he just wanted me gone for a bit. So I went to my boyfriends house, his family loves me. I have to talk to his parents about maybe me living there until summer, once the school year ends, I have plans to move in with one of my friends mom. I don't really want to intrude on her sooner than I have to, so I'm woorking on not getting kicked out too soon and really doing overtime trying to get a job. I have to talk to my parents and see if they will pay for my college if I do move out, but seeing as I have been threatened already, I'm not so sure it will happen. My dad seems dead set against any online schooling for me, which really sucks because the school I am looking at is either online or move to San Fran. We don't have the money to ship me off to San Fran right now, and since they don't provide housing, it would cost twice as much for me to go there. Let's just say that I am very glad my father is out of state right now, otherwise I swear I just might go insane. I know, I know, I am a total Daddy's Girl, but that doesn't mean that my father doesn't irritate me past my limits every day. He is difficult to get along with because everything is "My way or get the hell out of my house" and I am "My way or leave me the hell alone". Yeah, needless to say we butt heads A LOT. He says I sit in my room and do nothing, he says that because I stay in my room all day and come out only for food and to use the bathroom, not like he doesn't lock himself in his little office on the opposite side of the house. For all I know he could have been fired and and he locks himself in the office so none of us know he was fired! Not like we really see him working -.- just saying..Anyway..all I am trying to say is that he has no idea what I am doing in my room, so he shouldn't be saying that I'm not trying to get a job or that I sleep until 1 in the afternoon because I am trying to get a job and I get up every day at 9 in the morning and I don't come out until 1 beccause that is when I eat lunch. I stay in my room so I don't disturb him because he is suppose to be working from 6 to 3 every day.
. . .
Anyway, yeah, so I am on the verge of being kicked out of the house and I am going to need a placce to crash. I have been going through my things, trying to figure out what I am going to donate and what I have to keep and absolutly could not part with. It's difficult since I have so many memories with all of my things. Okay, just wanted to update you guys, try and keep you informed..Uhmmm what else..OH! We put up the Christmas lights, and the tree, I have candy canes and it is finally December. Thank god. I just want this year to be over XD Okay, well.....bye!!!

Not Sure What To Call This...Revolution?

I'm feeling very sad. Today has been long and tomorrow will be long and Friday will be long, this whole week is just slowly crawling by, taking its sweet time.

I want to change how my life has turned out. I've make some choices in my life that I shouldn't have. I did some things and hurt some people and now I have to live with the effects. For every actions there is a reaction. I understand that. Now. When something really bad happens to me, I don't generally react to it well. I bottle everything up, and then wait for that last straw so I can explode. I'm sitting here, fighting back tears, exhausted and just basically shaking because I can feel myself about to burst.
I hate crying. I hate it. The end.
I hate being angry and pissed off for no reason.
I hate myself for getting so frustrated over the littlest things.
I am just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and no one knows when it will happen, or what will set it off; only that when I do burst it will be sudden and ugly and effect everyone around me. It's happened before and it will happen again.

I have changed my life drastically, and I am not the only person who is well aware that I am on the verge of a relapse. The thought of it is hanging in the air like a poison. Temptation is all around me, closer than before. Within reach.
I have been told on multiple occasions that I focus too much on the past. I know I do, and so do the people who know me best. My past is..bad... it's also not going away. Ever. That doesn't mean that I have to dwell on it 24/7 like I have been doing lately. If I tried, I could probably forget all about it and live my life to the fullest, but I don't.
I need to.
I am going to start right now.
I am going to live my life and not waste a moment. Tomorrow I am going to go out with a friend, go to the mall, go into every store, talk to people. I am not going to think about my past or let it bother me. I know that it made me into who I am, but it will not control me any longer! I hope.. It's about time I face up and stop acting like I had the worst life and that I am a badass because of it. I'm not. I am deathly afraid of living, and that fear needs to be tossed out. I'm going to go live my life. Stop being locked up indoors, stop wasting away in front of a computer, stop making up these stupid excuses, I want to live! I'm going to get up early tomorrow and rain or shine, I'm going outside!

Reflections

I wouldn't call myself a socially important person. I wouldn't say thaat I am famous in any way shape or form, either. I am just a girl, currently sitting down at the table that her family gahers around every evening for dinner. Typing at a laptop, which is plugged into the wall behind me, and drinking a cup of hot chocolate with half a package of Starbucks coffee added into it; I'm not doing anything very unusual. There is a scented candle lit, the flame is flickering and its reflection is dancing in the glass. I can hear the fireplace working, birds chirping in the orange tree just outside the dinning area window. Windows. I should open up the blinds and let in a little natural light.
There, much better. I opened up al of the blinds and now the room is lit up with a natural glow. I love the sunlight, the feel of it on my skin.
Throught the window I can see our orange tree. It shouldn't be able to produce any fruit, since it is so closely placed near the house, it hardly has any room to grow, either, yet every year that tree gives us more oranges than we can possibly eat. The leaves are a dark green, but the fruit has yet to turn orange, despite is almost being December. We haven't had any really cold weather, which seems to be the reason the fruit turns orange. At the moment, they are half yellow and half green; my Aunt tried one and said they were like lemons. I suppose I could try to make some lemonade with the oranges, but I have different plans for my afternoon. Orange lemonade will have to wait until another day.

It is a little past 10 this morning, and I haven't done anything but shower and boil water, so I best get going. I'll post again another time. So long, everyone!

Thanksgiving

So, I never gave a Thanksgiving post, did I? Oops XD

Thanksgiving is a very interesting holiday with my family. I have two Thanksgivings. I have one Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day, and then one the next day. This year My mothers side of the family all came to my house for Thanksgiving Day lunch. I have three uncles on my mothers side, but one of them couldn't make it since he lives in Florida and he actually has a very busy life. My younger brother and I are convinced that he is a spy, my parents both disagree with us though. We had ham, which I couldn't eat, and a bunch of little side dishes. My vegitarian sister got a job at K-Mart and she works every day for seasonal so she couldn't take the 9 hour drive here. I was so sad that I couldn't snack with her.
Friday, we packed up and took my boyfriend to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving with my dads side of the family. It was alright, but at the end my grandmother brought out a huge amount of her things and said "Take what you want and the rest is being donated." and we tried to tell her that she should wait until we have room for everything and that we shouldn't be taking her things, but my grandmother is a very stubborn lady. She brought out 5 boxes of things, and by the time she got through guilting us into taking stuff, she had 2 boxes left. Now I have a ton of stuff for when I move out, and no where to put it.
That's pretty much how Thanksgiving is for me. My Uncles on my mothers side like to tease me, my grandmother on my fathers side likes to give her stuff away to us every time she sees us. This was the first holiday that my boyfriend has spent with my dads side of the family, he looked a little overwhelmed with it all at first, he told me there were a lot of people there. He seemed fine by the end of it though.

Uhmm...now that it's all over, I am redoing my room (yes, again). I am really liking how it is turning out so far. I have a bunch of stuff that needs to be donated, or at least taken out of my room, but other than that, it is almost finished. I am really exxcited about it, too, my desk is all cleared off and I placed the sewing machine and right now there is just the issue of my dresser being in a slightly awkward spot. It's not a bad place for my dresser, it's just that I don't know if I like how it looks. I think I might move it to where my mirror and small bookshelf are. I'm not sure how that would look though, I kind of want to keep my dresser next to my bed....oh well, I'll figure something out, right? Right.
Okay, well I am gonna go now, clear off my bed and take a little nap haha bye!!

BabyBlue Update & My Day

Okay, so my truck is still in the shop. That 300 dollar fix didn't work >.> now they are running more tests to see if they can figure out what the source of the problem is. They fixed part of it, but not all of it. They took it for a test drive and it still isn't idling right. I just really want my baby back. I miss driving my truck.


So I took my little brother to a highscool so he could play tennis today, right? Well we got into my dads very large very touchy Suburban thingy and we drove off. I missed the turn without realizing it and turned a 20 minuet drive into a 40 minuet drive complete with a U-Turn where I almost didn't make it and an angry man yelling at me from his little car. Needless to say I threatened to run him over.
After we arrived at the school, we had to drive around it three or four times before finding the small road the leads to where the tennis courts are located. I drove down the road and turned into a little parking lot that turned out to be for teachers and mployees only. I got out of there and turned into another little parking area that ended up being only for buses. So I left that one too and found a parking lot that I could finally park in. So I parked, right? And we went to go play some tennis. After about an hour or so, we go back to the Sub and my brother goes "Why is the window rolled down?" and I come to realize he had rolled down his window at some point in the drive and never told me. Since I don't check all the windows before getting out of a vehicle, it never got rolled back up. Great. So we do a quick check to make sure nothing is missing. Everything was (thankfully) accounted for. It was a long drive back, which included a much needed stop at Starbucks.

I don't know if you all know this, but when I get upset or irritated or anything like that, just get me a Peppermint White CHocolate Mocha Hot from Starbucks and everything turns into happiness and rainbows for me, I swear, that drink is like my drug or something. Needless to say I sat in the car and drank it and just had a total moment. My brother was looking at me like I was some crazy lady, it was just heaven lol

So, yeah, that was pretty much my day. Shout out to my bestie, we haven't talked much, I know, you must be irritated as hell with me for it, but I haven't really been texting anyone lately. Shout out to my boyfriend, you're amazing, thanks for putting up with my bull. I love you both.

That's about it, tomorrow I will post about all of my Thanksgiving plans, all of the preperation that is going into it and what is going on. I'd love to hear what you all do for the holidays and what your favorite part of this season is. Night everyone! Talk to you all later!! :D

My Baby!!!

Okay, so as some of you may know, I drive an amazing blue '92 Chevy Pickup. Now this truck has been in my family for years and years and years and years and when my sisters first got their liscenses they drove it, all through highschool. Both of them. Now I get to drive it and we are all in love with it, the truck is our baby. Never gonna replace the baby, can't ever get rid of it. Right? You all understand that, the love of your first wheels haha

Well a while ago, we took my baby in for its yearly smog test thing, and we got some horrible news that BabyBlue (which is what I call the truck) didn't pass smog. Well, okay so we take it back in and have them fix whatever is wrong so that it can pass. 1500 dollars give or take, right? Okay, no problem we'll just pay and come back in a year. Well, we get my baby all fixed up and then I drive it around a bit and noticed that it's having trouble idling. That's not good, right? So I tell me dad, he says "Well, you should get that taken care of, it didn't do it before so you probably messed it up. Hope it doesn't die on you." So I ask what to do if it does die. He says "turn the key" >.> great, thanks dad, realy helpful. So I go to pick up my boyfriend from school and I'm driving the truck and I'm stopped at a light and my baby keeps lurching forward and I am freaking out and then the engine died on me. Right as the light turned green. Great, right? So I move it to park and turn the key, shift into drive and get moving. It died twice, at least on the way to his school, and then once on the way back! So I get back home that night and tell my father about this, he tells me that he'll go with me to take it in for the problem. We took my baby in for that problem today, at 8 in the morning I might add, and it is going to cost another 300 bucks. This is going to be a temporary fix, by the way, last a few months or so. Getting something more permenant will cost about 1000, which is more than we are willing to spend at the moment. With any luck BabyBlue will be ready tomorrow and I can drive happily again. Been driving my moms little silver 1st Generation Prius around and let me tell you, a Prius does NOT go VROOM like my baby does. It has a little spunk if you try to take off fast from a light or something, but not much. I'll just be glad to have my baby back, that's all.

So..yeah, just wanted to share that with everyone. I'll try to post more on here, I'm still hunting for a job, so until then I think I should really be a good blogger since I'm not doing much else.

Taking my brother to a nearby school so he can play a little tennis, we'll see how that goes. He is excited, I'm not quite as thrilled. I really just want to drive BabyBlue again haha

I think that's all, there is a group of Cyotes (I think I spelled that wrong) outside my window, they're howling and it's so cute haha
Uhmm..the family is all coming in this week for Thanksgiving, my poor mother is stressing out because the house is a mess and her children are slobs. Uh, my room needs to be cleaned. My back is kind of sore, I could really go for a massage right now. When my oldest sister gets here I think I'll have her give me a massage.

That's really just about all, I'm gonna go to bed soon hopefully if Facebook doesn't completely suck me in right now. Otherwise, good night!!

Little Longer Than Anticipated Update XD

Hey everyone, just popping back in realy fast to fill you all in on my very boring life so far! Okay, so my last post was a long time ago, probably before Halloween, my favorite holiday, and some thingshave happened since then. First of all, I got to spend Halloween with my bestie, and I took the train there (a half hour or so train ride) and it was really very exciting because I have never been on a train before and I got to go on a train so, yeah, fun stuff. Also, my bestie and I made our very own costumes! It was so much fun, I went as Poison Ivy from Batman and my bestie went as Black Cat from Spiderman. It was so much fun, we were in costume all day and we went to her college, and then to a movie! Oh yeah, we saw Hotel Transyllvenia (SPELLCHECK!!!) and it has to be one of my all time favorite animated movies so far!! :D I would totally pay to see it again and just might force my boyfriend to come with me to see it if it ever hits the three dollar theater here in my town, it could be a date night!

Uhmm...there is a lot more that I want to tell you guys, my brain is just so scattered right now that I'm not sure where to begin, GAH!!! Stupid brain, get organized! Lol okay, I am still looking for a job and I still have no educational plans as of right now which is bad because my parents (mostly my dad) are starting to actively consider kicking me out of the house. I've made plans for a place to stay, but I really want to get a job. Honestly, if they agree to pay for my college, I have no problem with them kicking me out and saying "find your own way to provide living expenses cause you can't stay here" because college is now more expensive than a cheap temp apartment and assorted living expenses. Despite what they think, I can actually survive off of very little. I have planned out what I would or would not take with me if I moved out, what I would need and what I just want and as for my clothes, most of them can be donated since half of my closet goes unworn anyway. All of my old toys can be donated or thrown away, and the same goes for my jewelry. The only thing I am worried about it my college. I really want to attend this online school that I found, it fits into the budget daddy gave me for schools, but he says that I can't go because it is too expensive. He says that I have to find another school that is half the original price that he gave me, so I will be out of school even longer than I originally planned. Frustrating. If he is paying for it though, I guess I really shouldn't be complaining.

What else..I am still unemployed, which sucks because I sit at home and rot. It is horrible and I hate it. I am just about ready to say "Forget this! Fast food here I come!" but the neasuea really keeps me from doing that. Have I told you guys about that yet? When I spend too much time in a fast food place, I start to feel sick because of the meat smell. Sad isn't it? Yeah.

I...uh, well I need a new phone, which isn't surprising haha I am slowly gaining weight, which is good. I want to start really working out and getting a little bit of tone on my tummy. Plus, I kinda want to start exploring a little kick boxing. Is that weird for me to say? Hahaha it's so true though, I want to be super flexible and learn kick boxing and have a toned tummy. Saying this like four days before Thanksgiving seems kind of weird but hey, maybe if I do start working out more I won't gain fat from all those yummy carbs ^-^ muscle weighs more than fat and I need to gain weight.

I saw an owl on my drive home today. I live in the country, and I was like two minuets from my house when I turned onto a street and before I even had the car strightened out onto the road, this little white and brown barn owl glided across the road and it was so beautiful..ah, just super amazing, made my night.
So on that lovely though, I am gonna get some sleep. OH! I have been haveing really bad nightmares lately too, so I tied a ribbon around my wrist, I can't remember where I heard it, but it is suppose to help. It has so far, which is good.
Okay, comment!! And Night!! :D

Boyfriend Hangout and Hello ^-^

HI!!! It's been forever!! I know, lazy blogger haha I'm hanging out with my boyfriend right now. He seems kind of tired though, not that I blame him..we went to church this morning, very, very early...but it was fun!
I'm trying to get him to help me make this post thingy, but he isn't sure what to say XD OH!!! He reminded me we went for a bike ride, it was fun, I biked circles around him while he walked. Then, I tried to get him to ride on the handle bars..we almost died. He told me I failed and then had me get on the handle bars so that he could bike me around. We went about half a mile, which was fun ^-^ I'm convinced he was trying to kill me though..he likes to bike very fast and I was trying my best NOT to fall to my death.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D (the punctuation was my boyfriends input lol) and I will post more about my plans later, even if you guys don't want to hear about it. In the next month or so I will talk about the holidays, my family celebrates Christmas, and New Years and all of that jazz. I am really not a holidays person, so those posts will be short to say the least.
My boyfriend is very excited because he has this week off of school, no early mornings or annoying teachers or loud obnoxious kids, best of all, no bus for him. Yes, he is excited to say the least haha

Okay, that's all for now, I might post again later. I'm off to play some Guitar Hero with my boyfriend. LATES!!!!

Irritated >.>

I am irritated with my friend. He was suppose to meet me at the mall at 3:30. I called him at 4 and he said that he couldn't make it because his mom told him at 2:30 that he wasn't allowed to go anywhere today....and he just happened to forget to call and tell me that he wasn't going to make it. So I drove half an hour to this mall just to wait around for nothing. What was worse is I couldn't get anything that I was suppose to get done, done! I checked back with Hot Topic and the employees there were confused and less than helpful. It was all very irritating because it was like Bitchy Employee Day or something :/

Also, driving home from my boyfriends, some guy pulled up next to me and kept trying to get my attention and hitting on me and it was really annoying. I had to make a Starbucks run, it was just one of those days. And then!! Pulling out of Starbucks, I almost hit this idiot skateboarder who came out of nowhere! I hit the brakes and was about to yell at him when I recognised his face as one of my exs, needless to say I hit the gas before he could recognise me XD

So...yeah that's about all haha

Depression and Bliss

Ever realise just how much you love your space? I love being alone. Does that mean that I am depressed? I sleep a lot too..does that mean I am depressed?
I hope not.
I don't feel depressed.
Do I seem depressed?
Do I act depressed?
So what if I like to sleep..
Sleep is good..right?

The reason I am asking is because I have been accused of depression. I had testing done a number of months ago to see if I do suffer from depression (can't remember if I posted about that or not) and they came back saying that I'm not depressed..could that really change in such a short amount of time? I have no reason to be depressed. I have a great boyfriend, things seem to be mended with my bestfrien, my family is being tolerable, I am hanging out with more people, I get out of the house fairly often, I drive plenty, I go to the mall, I eat yummy food, I see movies, I sleep, I smile, I laugh......could I still be depressed even with all of this? I don't understand..

Okay, back on topic. . .
I found out just how much I love to be alone today. I woke up this morning and texted my boyfriend and my best friend and then got out of bed, pulled on my big red T shirt and walked out into the living room. I noticed the quiet and I instantly felt happy. It was silent. My brother at school, my parents in the office, me home alone. House quiet. It was possibly the most blissful moment this week. I just love to be home alone. I can light candles and play my music and just be me without putting up the front for my family or friends, I don't have to do anything that I don't want to, I can just...just relax. Does that make sense, I'm not sure how else to describe how I feel, it's just.....bliss. That's it. Complete and utter bliss. There is no weight on my shoulders or feeling of rush or anything, I'm not being watched and that is possibly the best feeling ever, total freedom. Just. .happiness.

Balance

Ever have a day where you just feel like everything is going to come tumbling to the ground? Most people call those bad days. I have a lot of them. This isn't what my post is about though. I can deal with bad days, I have them so often that bad days are more like normal days so I guess it could be argued that I don't actually have bad days, only good days and normal days. Right?

Well, I am here to talk about balance. Not the balance missing from my check book, or the balance needed to be steady on a beam in the Olympics, no..I am talking about inner balance, the peace that comes with being centered internally, emotionally, mentally, etc.
For the past month my balance has been very off. I didn't notice much at first, but now I am realising just how off center I really am. When I am off balance I get worse headaches, random pains, memory flash backs, nightmares, I forget more, zone out more, I become more tired and fatigued, easily winded and worse of all......I come off as indifferent about everything, and must work 10X as hard to show how I really feel about things going on around me. I don't generally geet like this for extended periods of time, perhaps a day or two at most. Now that I think aout it, I have been off balance for this entire month, and probably for part of last month as well.
Normally I just wait it out, but this time..man, you guys, this time it is bad, almost like a depression or something. I just have no energy and I feel sad al the time, but I'm not depressed! I can't stress this enough, I'm not depressed, just.......off balance. I must sound like I am in denial to you people, but I'm not!!

Also, I discovered that I am a milkaholic. Yes, that's right, I am addicted to milk. I have drank gallons of the stuff this past week and I just felt like sharing that little bit of information haha

Okay, I'm bored now so Ima lay down and curl up in my bed and be happy now, k? Okay! :D Night y'all!!!

Smoking Liars!!!! ...just a little rant..

I had a pretty okay day today. I went to the mall with my boyfriend, turned in a few applications, got a few applications, just kinda goin through life, you know? I also saw an old friend. . .wanted to kick his ass..

Does honestly and loyalty mean anything to teenagers now a days? I'm serious!! Okay so this old friend and I, we decided to quit smoking together, right? Cause you should have a buddy to quit with so you can have someone to talk to about the cravings and the shaking and the sleep loss and everything..well..I saw him today and he hugged me and I smelled smoke. It was faint and I wasn't sure it was really him or not so I asked him, "hey, have you been smoking?"
He gave me the look. Now I know this look. It's the "Oh shit! I just got busted!!" look. His response? "Maybe..just a little..." -.- you don't smoke just maybe just a little -.- you smoke one then another then another and another and it is hard to stop. Especially when you're off of cigarettes for as long as we were. Inhale the smoke and hold it in your lungs and it is a drug, I swear, that you can never get enough of. Now I want to smoke. The smell is on my clothes. It doesn't help that my boyfriends parents smoke, so I can almost taste it when I see them outside smoking..and now I am thinking about it and my hands are starting to shake........not good. Okay, so..anyway. I am pissed at said friend, so I am going to try to find time to hang out with him so I can beat some sense into him.
Oh! I punched (gently) him. It was just enough to let him know that the discussion wasn't over and we would talk about it later. I called him an asshole and we parted ways. I talked to him on facebook. Very short conversation. Basically, he just felt like it -.- I don't believe him. I am going to find out what the hell is going on in his head. Oh yeah, and that coloring book I'm making for him..I have to completely remake it because It was based on our relationships. Maybe I should give it to him anyways just to remind his sorry ass that he threw away the best thing he ever got. Sorry, that was on a completely different note, I don't expect you guys to understand that. Just a thought that passed through my head and 20 drawing now gone to waste. Nothing important >.> grr him. . .

Yeah so that is my rant of the day. Lates Y'all!!! :D Hope you have a great day/night and come to visit realy soon! . . . wow I felt so country hilbilly redneck typing that out XD BYE!!!!! ^-^

Confusion and Rants

Hey y'all..so let's talk religion. I'm not going to say "Hey! Bible Bible Bible Jesus Jesus God Hell Bible!!!" I'm talking more about how much emotion religions can stir up. There is so much conflict and confusion going on in the world, and has anyone else ever noticed that so much of it is reliion based? It is rediculous! I am very uncertian about my beliefs, so I am reading the Bible, little bits at a time and so far it hasn't been too hateful. The bad thing is, I talk to my boyfriend about it and he is Christian and he is scared to death that I will end up in Hell and he won't have me anymore. I don't want to leave him and I am now scared that by me not being entirely sure about my own religious beliefs I may be effecting his. The whole mess is confusing and emotionally draining, not to mention spiritually draining. I read Psalms1 today and it talked a lot about how believers shouldn't sit wiht nonbelievers and I am beginning to understand why..we rub off on each other. My doubts are starting to become his doubts and it scares me to think that people so easily change. I know I have changed over the years, my cousins have changed my brothers have changed, my friends have changed..people change. I get that.

More confusion is college applications and that whole freakin process. I am trying to apply to The California Art Institute-Los Angeles, right? I have been trying to apply there for about a week or so now, still haven't finished the process. I have a great person helping me through it, it is just that we are moving at such a slow pace and part of that is my fault and part of that is her or my parents or just the computer. But I had to write and essay, no big deal. I had to print out and sign like 6 or 7 documents, not too bad, scan them, send them back. It is setting up the appointments and finding a date and tie that works for all of us..then filling out the actual application itself ("may take an hour to complete" my @ss!!!! took me almost 2 hours!!) which was filled with complex language and asked me for certian information 5 or 6 times, why did I have to type in my street adress 4 times? I don't understand..

Another thing! Jobs. Why does the job hunt take so long? Been looking for a few months now and still not even an interview. Sucks!! I am 18 years old and I can work basically any hours I am given! I just want $8/hour. Not asking for anything special here, just whatever I can take..

Last, but not least. Weather. WHY IS IT SO COLD!!!!??!!!! I am sitting in my room in sweats, knee high socks, long sleeve shirt, thick jacket, and still shivvering. Not okay, man!

That's about it, just wanted to rant a little. Lates Y'all, Post again soon!! :D

Old People Young People and Me

So...I was driving to my church down this busy street called Shaw, and the speed limit where I was driving was 40MPH. Right? So I come to a red light behind this elderly couple and their dusty little white car. Light turns green and a few seconds pass by, they don't move, now I wasn't really in a rush but the light was green for quite some time and they were just starting to move so I was getting a little irritated, right? Well they finally inch forward and then BAM! They hit the gas and I am following them like some idiot thinking they are going like 30 or something, I look down at my speed, cause by now I figure out that we hit two green lights in a row and are still speeding up. I'm going almost 65, and this elderly couple is speeding away..I slowed down to the speed limit and they just raced throught the lights, hit every single light on a green while I got stuck at a red. I must learn their secret, being old like that, I think they have the lights timed out perfectly due to experience or something. ANyways, thought I would share that little adventure I had with the elderly people.

Now, I told you all about how I am helping out in AWANA, right? Being a Sparks helper/leader person, yeah? Well tonight was my first night there and I was super excited, I got a great group of kids, they're all so sweet, and there is this little boy there who I swear just melts my heart because he is so small and cute and adorable and I love him lol I only have a problem with the game time..it is chaos. The kids are next to impossible to control and there is this one little boy who runs around and stomps on my feet and I have no idea what I am going to do with him. Otherwise, I love it!

One last note, I decided to start reading the Bible. I know even mentioning religion or the Bible or God or whatever scares a lot of people away, but I just...I don't know, I had this sudden urge to learn more and actually read the book for once. My boyfriend is a Christian so I asked him to read through the Bible with me. Tonight we are doing Psalms 1, maybe Psalms 2 as well, I'm not sure yet, we'll see how it goes. I will try to post on here what I figure out, maybe make an entirely new blog about just what I find out lol wich I think I might do..hmmmm...the possiblities..Okay, so that is all for now, I think, I will post again soon! :D Lates y'all!

Frozen.

Today I froze. I stopped and took time to think through my life. I tried to imagin my life without certian people. I tried to imagine my life if I let others back in. I froze.
"Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said I used to."

Less than a handful of you who are reading this will understand exactly what I mean when I say that a lot of people have left my life, and will not be returning. I'm not just talking about death, though I have lost many like that, no, I am saying people walked out of my life, and if they didn't walk out of my life then I walked out of theirs. Well, today I really thought about what my life would be like now if I hadn't let those people walk away, if I hadn't walked out on them, if I had never lot anyone.
I bet you are thinking "That sounds wonderful, to keep everyone in your life, never lose those friends who are closest to you!" but no. I walked out on one of my closest friends because I realized that she was pulling me towards a dangerous path. A path that I knew I would never be able to escape..a path I had already started walking side by side with her. Now, not even my best friend knows this, I never had the heart to tell her that I walked away from my previous best friend. The girl I loved so dearly..You see, my current best friend already believes that we are not going to last, she is waiting for us to drift apart. She blogged about it, texted me about it, she doesn't cry over it anymore, we don't really fight over it anymore, I just let her think what she wants to and hope that I can stick around without hurting her more than I already have. I could never tell her that I walked out on that girl I was close to. Let's call her Taylor. Now, Taylor hadn't been my best friend for very long, but she and I had this bond, and I was in love with everything about her the moment we first met. I didn't befriend her that first meeting, but a few years into our friendship, something happened. We shared a common loss, one of our dearest and closeest friends (my best friend at the time) had passed away in a crash. That was when Taylor and I got closer, she wasn't just a super close friend anymore, I realized that we had been best friends without ever labeling it. I seperaated myself from everyone except for her. I dated guys and when I found myself in a specific relationship about a month after our loss and Taylor was completely against. When I met him, I started leaving her, he was showing me everything that she was doing to me. I drank a lot with her, smoked a lot, cussed a lot..She was getting into drugs more and more, there was a lot of illegal activity that I hadn't been aware of. He was like my angel showing me the darkness she was trying to keep hidden from me. I started leaving her, but I was having difficulty staying away. Finially one night he and I went to a party, she was there..she had changed so much, it had been a while since I had last seen her, and now she looked..she looked broken. We fought, yelled, screamed, it was horrible. I told her that I hated her, I don't hate her, not now, I have so many fond memories with her, but those are memories and nothing more. I walked out of her life that night, I replay that night over and over, torturing myself with it, but I finally understand what truely happened.
"Just because we aren't close anymore doesn't mean I don't I don't care about you."
The point of all this is that I can't take back my past, I can't undo what has been done. There is no going back in time, there is no changing where you have been. We can only move on, go forward and understand that sometimes people leave, sometimes people die, sometimes we have to walk away from someone we love so much that it kills us to leave, but we have to make these choices, the hard choices. Sometimes, we just have to do things on our own. No looking back. I have accepted my life for what it is, I made a number of small stupid choices that entirely changed my life. I know that now, I am accepting that.
"Don't judge me for my past, I don't live there anymore."

So I froze. I think too much sometimes and it can change my entire mood. I thought some more about the different guys I have dated. My type of guy has always been Older. If a guy was older tha me, he was okay to date. Looking back, that hasn't exactly been the greatest kind of guy to be interested in. I ended up being abused in every way imaginable, mentally, verbally, physically, emotionally; I was cheated on; I was cheated with, some of those guys were married!! The nerve of! Well..anyway. hinking back on my life, I don't mind it all. I learned so much through those guys, I put up walls, yes, but I also learned to take down those walls sometimes. I learned that life is like an adventure, and that I deserve better than what I got. Now I have a great guy, and I don't deserve him, but I am so happy he sticks around anyway.
"The more boys I meet the more I realize that you are the one I want to be with."

I froze. I thought about everything. College. High School. Family. Friends. Money. Finances. Food. Jobs. Everything. It is difficult to consider where I am going and where my life is headed, but I know where I have come from and I know where I stand. I have plently of friends. Best friend. Boyfriend. Past friends. Good friends. Hyper friends. Not so friendly friends. Frienemies. Passed friends.
"I still remember the first day I met you."

I figured I would leave you guys now with this one last quote, it really is a good one. I have plently of scars so it seems fitting. I will blog again soon, hopefully. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this post, it was a pain to write and I had to stop a million times because my family needed me. Later!!
"Don't let past relationships ruin your future happiness, scars  remind us of where we've been, not where we are going."

Carrie Underwood - Just A Dream

Have you ever heard a song a million times over and never really thought about it, then you log onto YouTube or hear it on the radio and suddenly everything just clicks and you burst into tears because it was just THAT powerful?
Well, guess who is basically in tears now.......yeah..I was on YouTube clicking through songs and I stumbled across this one. It isn't exactly a new song, but I remembered thinking it was alright. Now I am remembering the lost and past loves...praying to a God I'm not entirely sure about that I don't lose the ones I love now.. I have always known that death is part of life, just as we all must breath so must we all die. But the way she presented everything in this video just.......oh, it was something else. It seriously made me cry. I just thought that I would share that with you. Please, feel free to comment your thoughts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=jLntFKtR66g&feature=endscreen

Change

Have you ever noticed how much people change?

Likes and personalities, everything changes. It is just a way of life, but I never liked change. Change is scary, it often is. Something as small as a hair cut can be a scary change to make. If you have known me for a long time you will know I am like one big giant little bundle of contradictions. I love being in water, but I HATE swimming. I love winter, but I hate being cold. I hate summer and wish I could wear shorts all year long. I love adventure, but hate change.adventure is taking a journey which indicates changes. I am adaptable, I have this great skill that allows me to easily adapt to whatever enviornment I am placed in. That is how I know that I will always be okay.
That is not, however, the reason for this post. I was on Facebook (surprise, surprise) and I found a girl that attended my elementary school, but I was shocked to see how much her life had changeed since we last saw each other. I went around facebook like a creeper looking for other kids from my elementary school and I saw just how much they had all changed. The boy who asked my out in front of the bathrooms is now gay, the dumb cheerleader who almost failed her 6th grade year graduated at the top of her class, the small boy who stood next to me in chior is now very tall and has a voice as big and beautiful as any, the boy who snuck to my house so we could hang out has now been in 3 movies and counting, the fat girl lost a lot of weight and is now model skinny, the punk asian girl is married and has a baby. So much has changed, I can't believe all that has happened, it just makes me wonder how have I changed since then? If they have all changed, I must have as well. Anyway, I just thought that I would share that with you guys. It was just something that crossed my mind.

Fair, Updates, Reminder!!!

So yesterday I went to the fair with my family, it was so much fun!!! There is a lot to see and do at the fair, so many people and animals, so much going on! I had a blast, my poor boyfriend, on the other hand, went on a ride that didn't quite agree with him and he ended up getting really sick. Thankfully he didn't throw up on me though ^-^ for this we give thanks hahaha

So, I have decided to reapply to Dicks Sporting Goods. Isn't that exciting? My parents went into the store and talked to a few of the employees, it seems that most of them had to apply twice before they even got an interview. Why are companies so mean like that? I don't understand.

Also! I have the most amazing news!!! I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with AWANA, it is a Christian organization that is basically a youth group for younger kids. I was just informed that I can voulunteer at my churchs AWANA program and help out with the Sparks!! The Sparks are the 1st-6th graders. There is a younger group called the Cubbies, and then an older group of High School and Junior Highers and they don't really have a name, they're just kinda there, helping out and they don't exactly meet or anything.....anyways! But I spent two years helping out with the Sparks a few years ago and I loved it. The kids were so great and they would run up to you and when you had to go they would get so sad and it really is just this great connection, I enjoyed it so much. I can't remember why I stopped, but I've missed helping out ever since. I am so excited to be part of this again, and this time I can stay the whole time, and help with games and stories and just spend the whole night with my kids. I am super excited, I start next Wednesday, and yeah hahaha yeah, I am stoked, can you tell???

Okay, well that is basically everything, I think. I am sure I have more to say, but I guess I'll just think of it later and make another post/blog thingy about it for you peoples to read as you please. I really want to start posting on here at least once a week, my goal is to post every day, but that isn't going to happen, I already know it. Two or three days in a row max but if I can post every day for a week I think I sould get a reward.

Oh!! I have to take my little brother to the Card shop, I think I will take him next Monday, but I feel like I have something going on that day. I would take him today but I am busy. I would take him tomorrow but there is a tournament going on. I would take him on Saturday but we have to do yard work and then it will be Magic Night. I would take him Sunday but I have plans. I will take him Monday unless something comes up. Remind me, Monday is Card Shop day with the little brother!! Got it.

College

Okay, hey guys and everyone out there! Yeah I know..been over a week, well let me tell you! I have no excuse XD


Anyway, so let me tell you about my college plans, replans, scratched plans, new plans and old plans. Okay? Cool.

When I was a little girl I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was going to work at Victoria's Secret until I graduated from High School, then I was going to move to New York and start modeling for Victoria's Secret while I went to school for Fashion Design. The I would be a famous model/designer and make lots of money and be rich and happy and live happily ever after without ever getting old or getting wrinkles or acne or anything.
When I hit 5th grade I decided maybe I could part time model and still work on my fashion design, then I could creat my own company which would be called "StarProducts" complete with both modest and not so modest cclothes for women. College still in New York City.
After I got into Junior high, let's say closer to about 7th grade I wanted to be a designer still and create glorious party dresses for the Red Carpet and have outrageous styles and be the next big thing to hit fashion, more well known than Blue Jeans! I wanted to study in Paris and New York, and have three houses. One in LA, one in San Fran, and then one in New York.
That didn't last long, though since in 8th grade I completely shifted my thoughts towards more of a major in Fashion Design and a minor in Photography. Schooling in either New York at Parsons or in San Fran at FIDM. Still want to be a Fashion Designer, but also a freelance photographer.
Then I hit High School. every month I semmed to have a new idea for schooling. Pratt in New York City. Art Institute in LA. FIDM in San Fran. Those are the main four I bounced back and forth between, but FIDM was the one that sounded the best at the time.
Now that I have graduated High School, and I am jobless and need to figure something out educationally wise, I'm almost possitive that I have absolutly no idea what I am going to do. I had a college interview today at 10am with The Art Institute of California-Los Angeles, and I am filling out the application for it and writing out my little 150 word minimum essay for my hopes with the school and as I do it, I aam realising how much I want to get out of this sleepy little town, but also how much I don't want to leave. There is this weird feeling of dread that washes over me with every word I place into my essay, as if this one little word could completely alter my life. I feel as though I need to stop and rethink everything. I know I want to design clothes, I know that I want to be a Fashion designer, I know that I want to persue this dream that I have had since I was little. And yes, there is still a little part of me that wants to strut down the Victoria's Secret Runway with those giant Angel Wings on my back wearing lacey underwear and having a long thin toned body and C-cup boobs, but I would so much rather be behind the scenes rushing the models and fixing the clothes and making last minuet repairs and watching my designs go down the runway knowing that I created that outfit, that dress, that top, those pants. I made that.
So I am putting in an application to The Art Institute of California-Los Angeles. I am keeping my options open, and who knows, maybe I will get in and maybe the money will come through, with $40,000 for all of the costs not including gas and food, it isn't that likely I will be going. So perhaps Reedly College would be a better fit, who knows, I mean, I've heard that they have a decant Fashion program. I wouldn't exactly be in Fresno, but I would be close by, maybe I could arrange my classes to be in a two or three day block and stay with my grandparets for those nights and then stay with my boyfriend or my parents the rest of the time. At this point in my life, anything can happen and anything is possible.

Thank you, you guys for reading through my little rant/explination. Leave your questions, comments, concerns, thoughts, or anything you want in the comments box and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can. That's all for now, so..Byee!!!! ^-^

I'm Back!!!

Wow. My apologies, everybody, I haven't been on here in what feels like forever!!!

So SacAnime was a blast!!! We saw so many awesome cosplayers and also made a bunch of friends. I really hope I get to go to the WWinter one which is the Janurary, though I doubt I will be able to atend. Hey, a girls gotta dream though, right?

The one year anniversary with my boyfriend was amazing, it was cute and romantic and so different from any other one year celebrations I've heard of. We stayed at his place and had a nice little candle lit dinner of mac n cheese and apply cider and it was just so us and so intimate and I really enjoyed it.

I'm really buckling down to hunt for a job, not many places seem willing to hire me though. I'm going to apply to Target today and then I'll search online a little more. I still need to fill out some college aaplications as well, and I am just so frantic right now lol so much going on!!

Oh!!! I passed my teest, on the 31st I became a licenced driver in the state of California!! I had a great instructor and the test was fairly easy, and very basic. No sweat hahaha

I have my little brother going to every Magic Night with me now, every Saturday he and I drive to Magic Night and I make him play. He seems to be enjoying it so far, but I worry that he is shy, so hopefully this will help him to come out of his shell a little more. I don't know, now I'm just kind of rambling because truth be told he has only gone to one, and I've only really been to three so I guess I shouldn't really be talking, but I am so determined to make him go with me. It is a lot of fun to just chill and play Magic with all the guys, which I noticed there aren't really many girls who play Magic. It's kind of...weird o.O XD

Uhmm.....what else have I held out on you guys, let me think...
Oh!!! Speaking of Magic..
I finally got around to taking my red/white angel/vampire deck apart and making it into a red/white angel deck and a red/black vampire deck. My vampire deck i probably a better multiplayer deck, but it does well one on one, I kinda put it together with the mindset that the people sitting directly next to me aren't always the people I need to kill off first, so that was the thinking behind my vampire deck. My angel deck, however really seems to be bipolar with me, when it is nice to me, it is GREAT for me and I'll have all of the mana I need and like 8 angels out on the feild by my 9th turn. That right there is a very good deck. However, when it is being mean, it is a total Bitch and will give me maybe two mana and all high casting cost in my hand. It is so frustrating, but I love it so much!! Just grrr hahaha oh well, what's a girl to do. I don't need to put more mana in, and I really shouldn't take more mana out, so I guess all I have left to do it complain about it, which I will happily do on here ^-^

Lately I have been really into candles. Okay, so that's a lie, I have always loved candles, but I can only light unscented ones while my dad is in town. He has been gone all week, getting back today, so I have been lighting every scented candle I have and just being happy in a house that doesn't just smell like a house, it smells like amazing candles and Riku happiness :D but I have to air out the house before he get's home so he doesn't suffocate and die when he steps foot inside.

I really need to go to the dollar store, so I can pick up Ivy leaves for my costume. I'm seriously running out of time here, I need to get this thing pulled together! To be honest, I'm kind of nervous that maybe I won't be able to finish it on time. I will get through this!!

Okay, that was a speedy update on the going ons around here, I'll try to blog more so that my entries won't be quite so long haha tune in again and keep reading my blog!! It's like talking to myself only there are people reading in place of me talking and they just keep reading and reading and reading and reading and . . . you get the picture haha later!! <3

Oh Tuesday

So today I had a ton of yummy food while I relaxed and enjoyed the quiet of an empty house. I woke up at 7 this morning and decided to watch one of the greatest movies ever: John Tucker Must Die. It is a great movie, I really love it!
The I had Breakfast. It was a delicious Lunchables Thee Mini Cheese Pizza! Complete with blue airhead and fruit punch CapriSun! Oh yeah!!! Super cool, chick right here ^-^ it was the most delicious breakfast I have had in a long time.
I also watched Star Wars! Episode IV!!! It was so good, I forgot how much I love those movies, tomorrow I will watch Episode V! I'm excited lol
Hey! Guess what I grilled up for lunch? Grilled Cheese!! And oh yeah, it was amazing! I tred to upload a picure of my ooey gooey master piece, but Tech (that's my laptops name) is being moody again, so it didn't exactly work. But it was an amazing Grilled Cheese, if that makes it better haha

Okay, now for the scary part. Today, a 7 in the evening, the driver instructor arrived at my house. I got in the car and drove off. I drove aorund with him for two hours today. We didn't do anything too complicated, just sort of cruised around town for a couple of hours. I love driving at night, I'm not sure why, but I drive better at night than I do during the day. I am so comfortable driving around in the dark, weird, huh? He will be back tomorrow at the same time, he said that I am going to do a lot more parking and backing up tomorrow, so hopefully it goes well. Parking sucks, I hate it. Backing up, meh, it's okay I guess.

Okay, so I am super tired now, night everyone!

What A Weekend!!!

Hey everybody!!! My apologies for having skipped out on the writing/blogging whatever for so long, but I had an amazing weekend! Oh my goodness it was so much fun haha

Saturday:
I spent the day with my boyfriend! Shocker, right? I never spend any time with him what so ever (note the major sarcasm here..). But it was a lot of fun ^-^ we were actually suppose to have a double date type of thing with rock climbing and stuff, but everyone bailed on us! Can you believe that? So rude, right? Yeah, but I got to spend time with him anyway. Then we even went to Magic Night. Yes, I went to Magic Night, I decided to attend because it sounded like too much fun to pass up. Guess what else!!! I actually won! Now that is a surprise!!! I felt really weird being the only girl there, seven or so guys and me..it was a ton of fun though, and I have never been so proud of my deck before! ^-^ It's already Tuesday morning and I am still in shock that I actually won, sad hahaha call me whatever you'd like to, but playing Magic with those guys was fun. The thing is, playing with so many people takes a really long time and waiting for it to be your turn can get kind of boring :/

Sunday:
I went to church, as is normal, and I got to sit with my boyfriend ^-^ Then it was off to his place and messing around there until 8, when my father came to pick me up.

Monday:
I know, Monday isn't part of the weekend, but I am counting it because I can, so HA! If you have any issues, leave a comment or something..no one ever comments and it makes me feel sad :(
Back to Monday!! haha I got off topic, so I didn't really do much today...er..Monday XD I mean, I swept and cleaned up the house a little. Then my dad got off work and the two of us went for a drive..more like I drove the car and he drove me crazy. Typical parent. I went to dinner with my mother, had amazing soup at Panera Bread! I love that place <3 hmm...what else did I do? Not much, basically napped. Boring Monday.

Okay, so I know that all doesn't sound like much, but there was a lot going on as it was happening and my weekend just felt very crowded and scrambled haha Tomorrow..er.....Tuesday, I mean, I will have the house to myself, I'm really looking forward to it ^-^ and I already know I am going to have an amazing Grilled Cheese for lunch! Maybe I'll post a picture on here for you people to see! I'm really excited for it ^-^

Wow, So Much! Hahaha

Okay, so a lot happened, so I will be using a number/list type of format for todays post. If you don't like it, then go away cause no one likes you..okay nevermind on that, I might not know you so don't go away cause I would love to be your friend ^-^ I like people. . .sometimes haha anyway, let's get started!

1st
I went to the DMV today!!! So many people, and most of them looked rather unhappy (my mother included). I guess most of you peoples see the DMV as more of a chore than an adventure, right? Well, not me! I see it as an adventure! There are so many people there, I make up stories about them in my head. Nothing bad, just giving them a background, something simple, right? I like to figure people out, and I'm kind of a people watcher (creepy, right? Yeah, I know -.-) so going to the DMV is really fun for me. We waited for an hour and 40 minuets before we were called up to the window.
My new permit didn't cost anything, and the new one doesn't include a picture of me, which I thought was sort of weird. Oh well, right?

2nd
I went to Panera Bread for lunch!!! This is kind of not important, but it has to be one of my favorite parts of the day because Panera Bread is one of my favorite places to eat ^-^ it's yummyful haha
Oh, and I went to Powel's Sweet Shoppe. Got some candy..$10.87 worth of candy XD

3rd
My mother tricked me into a doctor visit. It wasn't like a doctor, he is a shirnk my parents pay to reassure themselves that I'm not crazy. I don't like to go so they often have to bribe or trick me into going. Long story short, I ended up in his waiting room at 3:50 and he told me the same thing he told me last time I was there. Basically that I need to get a job, find out more about colleges with my major, and get my license already.

Speaking of License...

4th
I schedueled my drivers test! It is going to be on August 31st at 8:50 in the morning. Early, I know, but it has to be in the morning because almost as soon as I get back from that, we are going to Sac for the convention. So much happening on the 31st, not even funny :/

5th
I made dinner. All by myself! You should all be very proud, because I can NOT cook. I made pasta, and it didn't kill anyone! Such a big accomplishment for me, you peoples have no idea what this means to me!
So the sauce wasn't the best, it was still pretty good. Needed something to sweeten it up a little though, next time I'm going to add a lot more to it. But be proud, I am learning to cook! If my house burns down, we will all know why ;)

6th
Watch this video!

This song was shown to me by my older sister, the one who is going to SacAnime with us. This song just makes me smile every time I hear it, and I sing it around the house a lot too haha it's just so true!! Don't judge me, I just love it ^-^

This is Riku, singing (very off key) and signing off, Lates!

Back to the DMV

I am going to the DMV tomorrow to replace my lost permit. I swear, I have looked for it everywhere! Stupid papers, stupid permit, grrr........
So my mom and I are going to go to the DMV and wait for hours in that horrid line and get me a new permit. I have to be there right as they open at 8, which means I am up before 7, which means no sleeping in :(
The good news is that I get to have my permit again ^-^ and I am excited.

Okay that's basically all I wanted to say haha IMA GET MY PERMIT AGAIN!!! YAY!! hahaha okay now i'm done. YAY!!

My Letter to the Lost as I Move Forward

Well...I had kind of a rought night last night/this morning. Around 2:11am, I had memory flash back to the first day of my senior year last year. This only happened because now I am graduated and everyone is starting school tomorrow..well after that pleasent little flash back, I began to think about my senior year of high school. I have to admit, a lot great things really did happen. I got a great bofriend, I learned a lot about myself, I had some little adventures with my friends. A lot of bad things happened too, though, my bestie and I got into our biggest fight ever and spent a few MONTHS (normally it's just days) not talking to each other, I saw my group begin to fall apart, and I lost a close friend.
Well, this post will be short and to the point. This post is about my early morning, and all of the anger and frustration I have about said lost friend. He just didn't need to go.

At 2:11 this morning I grabbed a piece of paper and began a letter to this friend of mine. I wrote out his full name at the top of the page and started off by telling him that I could not believe that he had left our lives for good. By the time I had written four lines into the letter, I had a few tears rolling down my cheeks.
Let me pause here to say that I do not cry. When something really sad or bad happens and everyone around me is sobbing uncontrollably, I do not cry. There might be one or two tears, but no shortness of breath, no puffy red eyes, no real Crying. I haven't had a real cry in years, if you guys want me to be completely honest.
So there I sat on my bed, writing a letter to this passed friend. I asked him if he would miss getting to walk across the stage as they called out his name to get his diploma. I reminded him of how I used to try and get his silver watch from him every morning..and how our friends referred to that watch as Shannon proof because it took me so long to figure out how to open the clasp. I told him how every morning for the rest of that first month, I would stare at the steps, just waiting for him to come walking up with his morning coffee and give us that same morning smile that he always had on his face.
It was at this point in the letter that I had to stop writing. I could hardly see the paper. Tears poured down my face and I actually cried. For almost ten minuets, I lay on my bed and did my best to control myself.
Later in this letter I told him about Formal and Prom, I talked about how I felt so wrong going to Formal that Janurary without him. I think the group really wanted to keep his memory alive by doing the limo thing again, and then going to the same restaurant. It all kind of failed, that year. But the previous year, when he was there, everything went so smoothly. The limo and then dinner, it was just a great night. He was most certinally on our minds this last time.
In conclusion to this letter, I began to get really honest with him. I told him that for that first week or twwo I didn't feel anything. That I was more numb than sad. Then I blamed myself, but that I no longer did.
It was almost Janurary when a girl asked me how I was doing. I told her I was okay, but then she told me not to feel too bad about what had happened because it wasn't my fault that I had broken his heart and then stomped on it. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she and his mother had been talking. This lost friends mother, for a day or so, thought he may have been upset with me for breaking his heart. She figured that was why he did what e did. I never told anyone what this girl had said to me. I know that my friends mother doesn't believe this, not anymore at least, and I can't even be sure she believed it in the first place. All I know is that I cannot blame myself for what happened. I have to move on. Life continues and so must I.
My final words in the letter to him said that I missed him, and love him. I told him that he had really impacted me with his life, and that I would never forget him.

You see, people come into our lives for a reason, and each person we interact with helps to shape us a little more. I cared so much about this friend, and when he left..I guess I just refused to believe it. Now, eight months later, I think I am beginning to come to terms with what happened.
Rest in peace, my dear friend. I will always remember you.

3 February 1995 - 4 December 2011

The Infection Spreads! and some bad news..

So my boyfriend came over today and we spent the whole day together. It was great! We spent hours doing two things: playing with a dog and playing Magic. Also, we were not alone. *insert*dramatic*music*here* Oh yes, my boyfriend has spread his Magic Infection to my younger brother, who happens to be a bit of a nerd as it is.
I have familiarised myself with my deck, and I have become quite comfortable with the game now. If I continue at this rate, I think that I might be comfortable actually participating in the Magic Night that my boyfriend invited me to. I'm still not sure if I should go or not yet, though..Magic kinda seems more like his "GuyTime" thing, you know? I would feel really bad about intruding on his GuyTime. Oh well, I have a few more days to figure it out.

I have some pretty bad news. I think I lost my permit. Yeah I know, you're all probably wondering why I haven't actually gone in to get my lisence yet. Well, even though I am 18, my parents wanted me to have some behind the wheel experience with a trianed profesional before I get my lisence and they want me to have behind the wheel experience with them before I go to the professional and they wouldn't let me do that unless I got my permit. Nasty circle, I know :/ but I went with it and I got my permit. Now I can't find it. The good news is, however, I don't need a permit in order to take my behind the wheel test for the DMV! Also, the behind the wheel with a proffesional doesn't require that I have a permit either! "What's the big deal, then?" you may be wondering, well let me tell you. My parents are phyco and don't want me to do anything until I can locate my permit papers. Great, right? Not really, I have to find those papers because my parents have been more crazy than ever lately! I know, I know, most parents are crazy. My mother is Asian!!! She will kill me in my sleep and my father will take the fall for it! I just know it! Okay so that is an  exageration, but still..I just gotta find those papers!

Magic.

He did it. It is official. I am screwed. Great. I broke. I think I broke. That's it. Maybe not. Caught in the moment. Wraped up in talk. Right? Right.

I should probably try to explain this a little, shouldn't I? Well I guess I should get to the point already then haha I am talking about Magic. No, not the show with the Poof and the smoke and mirrors, I am talking about the card game. My boyfriend plays and when he first showed me a few months back I must admit I was a little freaked out and slightly confused by the cards and the intensity with which he and his friends seemed to play. I grabbed a deck and attempted to keep up, being wiped out almost instatly, I gave up and decided my time may be better spent on my boyfriends lap playing distraction while he and his buddies gather around a table for hours on end.
Well, he finially peaked my interest when I saw him use a Red Goblin deck. I don't know much about the game, but I really got interested at that pooint, not sure why. So today, he took me out and I bought myself a starter deck for $13 or so at Target. It is a Red/White deck, and we went to the card shop and I got a few more cards to add in. I played two games, today, one against just my boyfriend and the other against him and two others.
Dare I say it? I had fun...
Don't you start judging me just yet! Bear with me for just a little longer while I explain, okay?
So I am a very competative person, I enjoy winning. Well, let's also add in the fact that I am a fast learner, I catch on really quickly to things. Then let''s also agree on the fact that I am lazy, distracted, easily entertained, often amused and want to understand the thought process behind every action. Magic is a nerd game where I can sit down, watch other people move, then try to understand why they did that. I really liked getting to see such a different side to everyone. I feel like there is a lot more joking around that goes on over a game of Magic than in other circumstances, the guys were all laughs. Now, I have noticed this before, when they play Magic, they seem to be more at ease, as if Magic somehow transports them to another place or something. I don't quite understand it, but maybe one day I will?
So getting back to my deck! It is a Red/White deck, and it mainly has Angels in it, but I feel like my deck was kinda weirdly put together because it also has a lot of Vampires and then an aray of Humans, Devils, Elemental Creatures, Spirits and a Griffin. I'm not sure if that is normal for a deck or not, but I think it is kinda weird.. Okay no, what is weird is my sudden want for a Red/Black Vampire deck and to make this deck I have currently into a Red/White Angel deck...now I am just being silly haha

I guess that is it for me tonight, I'll leave you with one last little tip: it is very important to understand the cards that you are playing with! Otherwise you will be like me and sit there for 5 minuets every turn reading your cards and trying to figure out if you should play it or not XD
Okay, talk to you all real soon!

Rant? Kinda, not really. . .uh..yeah..?

Okay, today I decided to quit being sad about my boyfriend being unreachable. I dragged my mother out of the house and made her spend some quality time shopping with me. We went to Target and then to dinner at a Japanese restaurant nearby. It was a lot of fun to get out of the house and just relax, you know?

I have been feeling really sick lately, I hope I'm not catching anything :/
I hate being sick, but i guess most people do, huh?

So I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping this past week and I'm not sure why. While I have been awake, I have been going through my stuff. I have a new plan for a layout for my room! I promise to upload photos this time after it is all organized and pretty, okay? Everything is moving this time, nothing is going to stay where it is and I might even get to put an old sewing machine in here! Isn't that exciting!! Maybe not for you guys, but it is for me ^-^
I really enjoy making/designing clothes and not having to hand stitch everything would be great! The good news about hand sewing it all though, is that my stitching is a lot better now than it was a year ago haha
Anyway, so I am going to reorganiz my room (again) and this time I really hope I actually like how it turns out. I have it all planned out in my head, but now I just need to find a way to move everything..it will be a lot of work :( and it better turn out amazing or else you guys will hear about it! I promise you that!

Okay, gonna sign off now cause I'm actually kinda tired haha night!

Catching up and RAVE TIME!

So much has happened these past few days, I got in a huge fight with my bestie and we stopped talking for what felt like forever :( We're talking now though, neither one of us apologised, an apology would be empty and hollow and meaningless if it came from either of us. We both know it, so we are just moving on. It's nice to have someone who you can do that with.
I was suppose to be in Hanford with my bestie right now, to be honest, but my parents decided to go evil on me last minuet and so here I am..in my room.
My boyfriend left me. Not dumped me, he just went up to the mountians for a few days, no idea when he is getting back. He promised he would spend all Monday with me though, so he better be well enough to do that! Ima hurt him if he backs out hahaha I must say, with him gone, I think I am really noticing how much I really like him. Is it weird to say that I miss texting him all day? I never noticed how much he is part of my life now, and since he is gone I am seeing how much I take his company for granted.

Today is my sisters 22nd Birthday! Goodness she is old! hahaha jusst saying ^-^
Anyways, today has been an emotional rollarcoaster and I know just how to fix it! Strobe Light! Techno Trance Rave Music! Open Dance Area! Dark Room! SOLO RAVE TIME!!!!!!

This is Riku dancing off, I'll give you more of a rant about my life some other time, but now, We Dance!

Great Danes and The End

So I have this awesome friend who has seven (yes, SEVEN!) Great Danes. They are huge!! and so cute ^-^ well, they are all pure breed and she now has eleven puppies (that makes 18 Great Danes in her house now!). The puppes are so small, and they are going to grow to be so big!!! She told me that I should visit them more often, I can't remember why though..but yeah, they are so adorable! We actually might end up getting one or two! If I can convince my mother..wish me luck!

THE PUZZLE FROM HELL HAS BEEN DEFEATED!!!!

This is the finished product! See it's horrible patterns and terrifying shape! That familiar stop sign shape that I so hate because stop signs suck! Anyway, so this puzzle was mean to me and I will never try it again. We started on another puzzle though, with any luck it will be more easy.

Well, that's all folks, my life has been pretty lame so far, maybe it'll pick up as August gets going? Bye!!

Guy Time

Hey guys, I am going to make this post as quick as possible cause I really want to get back to the Puzzle From Hell.

Today I spent the day with my boyfriend..and three of his guy friends. It was actually a lot of fun, even when I was the only girl hanging out in a group of 6 guys (all of which were younger than me...) and we were crammed in a hot tub. Wasn't awkward, I felt like a pimp haha I really enjoy getting to hang out with all the guys, it makes me feel accepted. I mean, yeah, sometimes it can feel sort of weird and like I shouldn't be there, but those moments are few and far between, and that is part of what like so much about his friends. They have been really good about not accidentally making things awkward. At least...I think they are accepting me, I hope they like me haha
Anyway..
We went to this really cool card shop and at first I thought it was kinda weird but I started to really get into it after a while. When we first walked in I felt out of place..being a girl and all, but it was really exciting to get to see a place that otherwise I would have never really thought to go. Does that make sense? I kinda wish I was more into Magic so I could buy cards and get really excited like they all did. I want to play, but when my boyfriend and his buddies are all gathered around the table playing Magic I normally end up more confused than anything. I have tried to play before, I mostly end up killed off before 5 rounds, but then again I've only ever played three times in my life..perhapes I should try again?
Now, while I really do like hanging out with the guys, I also love to spend some time with my boyfriends little sister, she is so adorable! She taught me how to play Minecraft...kinda..I am generally terrible with video games and stuff like that so I was really bad at it. Oh well. She also lent me some clothes for the day since I was all dressed up in a white dress and three inch wedge heels..so happy we are close in sizes haha

Okay, so that did take a little longer than I had hoped for haha oh well, later everyone! Riku signing off to return to the Demon Puzzle ^-^