Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Depression and Bliss

Ever realise just how much you love your space? I love being alone. Does that mean that I am depressed? I sleep a lot too..does that mean I am depressed?
I hope not.
I don't feel depressed.
Do I seem depressed?
Do I act depressed?
So what if I like to sleep..
Sleep is good..right?

The reason I am asking is because I have been accused of depression. I had testing done a number of months ago to see if I do suffer from depression (can't remember if I posted about that or not) and they came back saying that I'm not depressed..could that really change in such a short amount of time? I have no reason to be depressed. I have a great boyfriend, things seem to be mended with my bestfrien, my family is being tolerable, I am hanging out with more people, I get out of the house fairly often, I drive plenty, I go to the mall, I eat yummy food, I see movies, I sleep, I smile, I laugh......could I still be depressed even with all of this? I don't understand..

Okay, back on topic. . .
I found out just how much I love to be alone today. I woke up this morning and texted my boyfriend and my best friend and then got out of bed, pulled on my big red T shirt and walked out into the living room. I noticed the quiet and I instantly felt happy. It was silent. My brother at school, my parents in the office, me home alone. House quiet. It was possibly the most blissful moment this week. I just love to be home alone. I can light candles and play my music and just be me without putting up the front for my family or friends, I don't have to do anything that I don't want to, I can just...just relax. Does that make sense, I'm not sure how else to describe how I feel, it's just.....bliss. That's it. Complete and utter bliss. There is no weight on my shoulders or feeling of rush or anything, I'm not being watched and that is possibly the best feeling ever, total freedom. Just. .happiness.

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