Hey guys so yeah, here is the late post that I promised last week haha
so my Photo class ended with me getting a C :/ sucks because I got a B on my final and I guess I had a lower grade than was posted or something so........whatever, the class is over and done, I don't care anymore I'm just happy my first semester is done with. However, I'm also really sad because I won't be able to see all of my new college friends for a whole month D: major sadface, right? It's really depressing, I know I'm sad about this. And plus now that I'm working I'll have like zero time to do anything, especially since I have a boyfriend who always wants to take me out (not that I'm complaining haha) it's just nice to think that I actually am starting to get my life together. It's kind of a nice feeling.
Now let's see how long it lasts XD
I just say that because it seems that every time my life feels like it is coming together, something happens to screw it all up again. That's just the way my life goes, every single time :( but whatever, I've learned to live with it.
So, in other news, the Christmas decorating is going alright. We put up the lights, though there are two large sections where the lights are out so it looks tacky and poorly done. I also put up the tree and decorated it with the new boyfriends help ^-^ that was fun, though he ditched me for work about half way through decorating. Loser lol
We agreed that trees shouldn't be decorated with those ornaments, there should be small gifts and such on the tree instead like there used to be in the olden days. And candy ^-^ lots of candy and happiness on the tree, not trash and paper and awkward looks glass spheres. I guess that's just my own little thoughts. Whatever though, to each their own I guess. How do you guys celebrate the holidays? I'd be perfectly fine going without Christmas, I don't like the whole gifts idea. I don't really care for surprises though. The thought of holding a package that could be housing just about ANYTHING terrifies me. I mean, yeah I know, most people won't be placing a jar filled with black widows under the tree for me to open, but then again, one can never be too sure. I mean, piss off the wrong person and a jar full of eight legged freaks could be waiting for you.
Just some food for thought haha
Have a good week and visit the blog again sometime.
Riku signing off ^-^
Monday, December 16, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Basics of Photography? No Thank You!
Hey everyone, I know this isn't my normal blogging day, but I just had to rant this out to someone so it doesn't clutter up my normal Thursday post. I have come to the conclusion that I HATE finals week. Yeah, it's just one week of testing to make sure we passed our classes and ensuring that we paid a little attention, but still. I hate it. And I have it really easy.
I can't imagine how hard this will be next semester when I have four hard classes, I mean, my classes this semester have been super chill. For our English final all I had to do was show up for the final day, hand in my essay and kick it with the rest of the class. That's it. Simple. For my Illustrator final all I did was go in, put my projects onto the main computer, go over what we did in class, get my grade and leave. I think I was in there for three minuets max. Then I went outside and smoked a little, kicking it with my buddies.
My Basics of Photography class? Yeah well that's what I'm stressing over. The teacher gave us a five page front and back study guide that we have to complete. Then we go in on Thursday for our final which is a 200 question test. I have been working on this study guide for days now and I still haven't completed it. I've come to the conclusion that I am going to fail this final because most of the study guide is about things we went over in class, not things that are in the book or in my notes (which I didn't really take, stupid on my part). I have a B in that class right now, barely clinging to that B, so this test will make or break my grade. I would seriously rather not fail my Photo final but some of these questions are ridiculous! One actually asks for the exact type of Photoshop used for the computers in our class. Others are about the photographs we edited and some are just asking what something does
(for example: Filter > Distort > Lens Correction Tool > Vertical Perspective = <does what?> ).
This is ridiculous, seriously not needed stuff. I know there is only one answer to the questions like the one above, but still...it's kinda stupid that he's asking things like that when we didn't really go over any of that. We barely did anything with Photoshop, and when we did, he baby walked us through it. We never kept track of what anything was called or what did what. I just. Grr! I'm really irritated with this and I guess you can all tell. I just have so much "Basics of Photography" stuff crammed into my brain, I think I need a break or something before I over study (if it's not too late for me, that is).
Yeah, so I'll be posting again on Thursday night after my Photo Final. No, I won't be doing the entire post on that stupid test, hopefully, I'll have other things to talk about :) See you guys then!
^-^
I can't imagine how hard this will be next semester when I have four hard classes, I mean, my classes this semester have been super chill. For our English final all I had to do was show up for the final day, hand in my essay and kick it with the rest of the class. That's it. Simple. For my Illustrator final all I did was go in, put my projects onto the main computer, go over what we did in class, get my grade and leave. I think I was in there for three minuets max. Then I went outside and smoked a little, kicking it with my buddies.
My Basics of Photography class? Yeah well that's what I'm stressing over. The teacher gave us a five page front and back study guide that we have to complete. Then we go in on Thursday for our final which is a 200 question test. I have been working on this study guide for days now and I still haven't completed it. I've come to the conclusion that I am going to fail this final because most of the study guide is about things we went over in class, not things that are in the book or in my notes (which I didn't really take, stupid on my part). I have a B in that class right now, barely clinging to that B, so this test will make or break my grade. I would seriously rather not fail my Photo final but some of these questions are ridiculous! One actually asks for the exact type of Photoshop used for the computers in our class. Others are about the photographs we edited and some are just asking what something does
(for example: Filter > Distort > Lens Correction Tool > Vertical Perspective = <does what?> ).
This is ridiculous, seriously not needed stuff. I know there is only one answer to the questions like the one above, but still...it's kinda stupid that he's asking things like that when we didn't really go over any of that. We barely did anything with Photoshop, and when we did, he baby walked us through it. We never kept track of what anything was called or what did what. I just. Grr! I'm really irritated with this and I guess you can all tell. I just have so much "Basics of Photography" stuff crammed into my brain, I think I need a break or something before I over study (if it's not too late for me, that is).
Yeah, so I'll be posting again on Thursday night after my Photo Final. No, I won't be doing the entire post on that stupid test, hopefully, I'll have other things to talk about :) See you guys then!
^-^
Thursday, December 5, 2013
A Job? And A Gay Guy?? What Have I Been Hiding???
Hey everyone!!! Guess what!!!! So I've been neglecting to tell you all some very BIG BIG BIG news. I start at my new job tomorrow.
WHAT!?! Riku why did you never tell us!!! Is that why you haven't been complaining about applications??? When did this happen!?!?!
Well, my ever faithful followers, I shall explain. . . very quickly because I have even bigger news to tell you all too! Basically, my friend got tired of listening to me bitch and complain about how I can't get a job and no one wants to hire me and finally he says he would see about getting me a job at this company **** (Yeah, you guys don't get to know where I work hahahhaha sorry..) where he works. That's basically it. Kind of a boring story, I know, but still, I has a job now and I has my parents off my back about it and I has an income which means I can save up, buy the truck, be able to afford the gas and insurance, then move out (hopefully) and get on with my life! :D Exciting stuff right?
Now here is where everything just flips upside down and does 8 twists. I'm dating a gay guy. And he is so great.
So that's it for my life hahaha . . . or should I tell you more? I guess I can't leave you hanging, huh? Okay, so he is 19 and he dates guys, until he started dating me. I'm a girl. But he's not bi. He is just confused, and actually so am I. Our little situation is rather confusing and I honestly don't understand it and yes I know I just got out of a break up, my friends have all been over this with me a million times and I know I shouldn't be in a relationship right now, I need to figure out who I am, what the hell I am doing with my life and blah blah blah blah blah all that fun stuff. But this guy makes me feel happy and isn't that important? I know he likes guys, and I know I generally am into girls more than I am into guys, but for some odd reason I seem to make him happy too. We may not work out and for all I know he'll be back to dating guys again at the end of the month and that's okay. I just want to be around people who make me feel happy, people who I can let loose and just be me, real me, and do whatever the hell feels natural. Be that hitting him because he decided to bite me, or just smoking a cigarette because I felt like it. I can't do that around my friends, I couldn't do that with my ex, I just want to be free right now, even if it is free in a relationship with a gay guy. Yes, I know, it is confusing and I know it's weird, but I like him as his girly, happy go lucky, don't give any fucks, screw the world I'll do whatever the hell I want self. And he likes me for me, whoever I happen to be because hell if I know.
So yes, I start working part time tomorrow and my first official date with the new bf is this weekend sometime, he hasn't told me any details yet. Life is as exciting as ever, and with finals next week, I know things are about to get very complicated and messy. Stay tuned, and I'll post again in a week. Bye!!!
^-^
WHAT!?! Riku why did you never tell us!!! Is that why you haven't been complaining about applications??? When did this happen!?!?!
Well, my ever faithful followers, I shall explain. . . very quickly because I have even bigger news to tell you all too! Basically, my friend got tired of listening to me bitch and complain about how I can't get a job and no one wants to hire me and finally he says he would see about getting me a job at this company **** (Yeah, you guys don't get to know where I work hahahhaha sorry..) where he works. That's basically it. Kind of a boring story, I know, but still, I has a job now and I has my parents off my back about it and I has an income which means I can save up, buy the truck, be able to afford the gas and insurance, then move out (hopefully) and get on with my life! :D Exciting stuff right?
Now here is where everything just flips upside down and does 8 twists. I'm dating a gay guy. And he is so great.
So that's it for my life hahaha . . . or should I tell you more? I guess I can't leave you hanging, huh? Okay, so he is 19 and he dates guys, until he started dating me. I'm a girl. But he's not bi. He is just confused, and actually so am I. Our little situation is rather confusing and I honestly don't understand it and yes I know I just got out of a break up, my friends have all been over this with me a million times and I know I shouldn't be in a relationship right now, I need to figure out who I am, what the hell I am doing with my life and blah blah blah blah blah all that fun stuff. But this guy makes me feel happy and isn't that important? I know he likes guys, and I know I generally am into girls more than I am into guys, but for some odd reason I seem to make him happy too. We may not work out and for all I know he'll be back to dating guys again at the end of the month and that's okay. I just want to be around people who make me feel happy, people who I can let loose and just be me, real me, and do whatever the hell feels natural. Be that hitting him because he decided to bite me, or just smoking a cigarette because I felt like it. I can't do that around my friends, I couldn't do that with my ex, I just want to be free right now, even if it is free in a relationship with a gay guy. Yes, I know, it is confusing and I know it's weird, but I like him as his girly, happy go lucky, don't give any fucks, screw the world I'll do whatever the hell I want self. And he likes me for me, whoever I happen to be because hell if I know.
So yes, I start working part time tomorrow and my first official date with the new bf is this weekend sometime, he hasn't told me any details yet. Life is as exciting as ever, and with finals next week, I know things are about to get very complicated and messy. Stay tuned, and I'll post again in a week. Bye!!!
^-^
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Thanksgiving Post!!! (better late than never)
Hey everyone! I know, I didn't make a post on Thursday, I'm so sorry!!! Things came up and I ended up collapsed on my bed fast asleep. I Was going to tell you all about my family traditions, but I guess that wouldn't be such a great idea since we're a pretty boring family. Sucks to be you though cause I'll tell you any ways ^-^
So I have two Thanksgivings. One with my dads side of the family, where we eat a ton of food and spend our time pretending to be normal. We generally all go to my Aunts house for a Thanksgiving lunch. I have three cousins that I know who are on my dads side. I don't really get along with any of them any more, so I spent Thanksgiving lunch the same way I have been for the past two years: sitting with my oldest sister and eating all of the vegetarian/gluten free food we can find. I used to be really close with the one female cousin, but we've grown apart over the years and I'm not sure how to help us grow back together :/ I guess it starts with just telling her about my life, right? That won't be too bad, will it??
Anyway, so then I also have a separate Thanksgiving with my mothers side of the family. I don't have any cousins on this side of the family, and my brother and I are convinced that her siblings are all way cooler than they let on. That's a story for another time though, another time and another place I guess haha
Yeah, so I have two Thanksgivings every year. It's nice if you just want to eat food all day and do nothing but eat. For me it was kinda depressing because I only got to see one sister and my family was a bit less than pleasant this year. All in all, the good outweighed the bad and my holiday was better than most.
Signing out now, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and ate lots of food without getting too ill afterwards. Have a great day!
P.S.
I don't remember if I ever informed you all, but my boyfriend of two years and I broke up.... Did I not inform you all? Oh well, maybe I'll explain in a later post haha
^-^
So I have two Thanksgivings. One with my dads side of the family, where we eat a ton of food and spend our time pretending to be normal. We generally all go to my Aunts house for a Thanksgiving lunch. I have three cousins that I know who are on my dads side. I don't really get along with any of them any more, so I spent Thanksgiving lunch the same way I have been for the past two years: sitting with my oldest sister and eating all of the vegetarian/gluten free food we can find. I used to be really close with the one female cousin, but we've grown apart over the years and I'm not sure how to help us grow back together :/ I guess it starts with just telling her about my life, right? That won't be too bad, will it??
Anyway, so then I also have a separate Thanksgiving with my mothers side of the family. I don't have any cousins on this side of the family, and my brother and I are convinced that her siblings are all way cooler than they let on. That's a story for another time though, another time and another place I guess haha
Yeah, so I have two Thanksgivings every year. It's nice if you just want to eat food all day and do nothing but eat. For me it was kinda depressing because I only got to see one sister and my family was a bit less than pleasant this year. All in all, the good outweighed the bad and my holiday was better than most.
Signing out now, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and ate lots of food without getting too ill afterwards. Have a great day!
P.S.
I don't remember if I ever informed you all, but my boyfriend of two years and I broke up.... Did I not inform you all? Oh well, maybe I'll explain in a later post haha
^-^
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Bad News: Mold. Good News: Peppermint!!!!!!!!!
Hey Blog Readers!! :D How have you all been? Me, well, I've been great. I know I missed the last post (sorry) but now I'm back and you don't have to worry about it anymore. First of all, you all need an update! So I finally got my schedule for my next semester of classes for college, full time student if I can get into that communications class! Also, my boyfriend and I broke up, it happened some time ago and we're going to attempt to stay friends, hopefully we can do it! Next, I got an A on my Photo Midterm Paper!!!!
Okay, now that everyone is all caught up, let me discuss what I wanted to. I have mold growing in my closet because there is a leak in the laundry room, which is located right next to my room. We had a contractor come and look at it, and he said that it didn't look very bad, most likely just a little surface mold that could be taken care of with a 50/50 mix of bleach and water. He is coming back next week sometime to open up the wall and double check that everything really is okay and fix whatever isn't. Thank god.
The bad news is that I have to keep my bedroom door open. Constantly. If any of you have spent any time with me at all, you'll know that I close doors, always. I hate to be in a room with the door open. I don't care what is going on, I have to close the door. Having the door to my room open is driving me up the wall, seriously you guys, I'm going crazy. Insane. Mad!!!
Yeah....on the other hand, I have some great news. PEPPERMINT. Winter is here everyone and with that comes Peppermint, the greatest thing in the world. You can bet I've already eaten more than my fair share of Candy Canes and drank more than enough Peppermint Hot Chocolate. I am in love with Peppermint. Give me any minty drink and all is forgiven. You could quite possibly kill my family and then apologize with candy canes and peppermint drinks and I'd forgive all. . . . Okay that's a bit extreme, but you get the picture haha
Anyway, I know this was short, but I have a ton to do so I can't write too much. Next week is Thanksgiving and I'll be sure to post! Until then, be safe and be happy. Bye all!
Okay, now that everyone is all caught up, let me discuss what I wanted to. I have mold growing in my closet because there is a leak in the laundry room, which is located right next to my room. We had a contractor come and look at it, and he said that it didn't look very bad, most likely just a little surface mold that could be taken care of with a 50/50 mix of bleach and water. He is coming back next week sometime to open up the wall and double check that everything really is okay and fix whatever isn't. Thank god.
The bad news is that I have to keep my bedroom door open. Constantly. If any of you have spent any time with me at all, you'll know that I close doors, always. I hate to be in a room with the door open. I don't care what is going on, I have to close the door. Having the door to my room open is driving me up the wall, seriously you guys, I'm going crazy. Insane. Mad!!!
Yeah....on the other hand, I have some great news. PEPPERMINT. Winter is here everyone and with that comes Peppermint, the greatest thing in the world. You can bet I've already eaten more than my fair share of Candy Canes and drank more than enough Peppermint Hot Chocolate. I am in love with Peppermint. Give me any minty drink and all is forgiven. You could quite possibly kill my family and then apologize with candy canes and peppermint drinks and I'd forgive all. . . . Okay that's a bit extreme, but you get the picture haha
Anyway, I know this was short, but I have a ton to do so I can't write too much. Next week is Thanksgiving and I'll be sure to post! Until then, be safe and be happy. Bye all!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
My Baby!!!! And An Essay Panic
Hey Everyone!! So my truck has been giving me problems lately (major sadface, my truck is my baby!!!), so I went with my dad and we took it in to the shop for a check up. A few hours later they called for us to come get it and the total came out to $660, which isn't nearly as bad as it could have been. For those of you who don't know, I drive a beautiful blue '92 Chevy (Woot woot!!!) and both of my sisters drove it before me, and this truck has been in the family longer than I have. Well my dad has been talking more and more about getting a new truck and selling the one we have. I say HELL NO because this truck is my baby and I have plans about buying the truck off of him after I can afford to (still job hunting, not going very well). He talks like he is going to make it so that I can't afford to ever buy the truck off of him, which would suck since the truck is my baby, I love the truck more than I love the .22 (A beautiful hand gun that I think I posted about before, if not, I'll have to post about it some time, shoots like a dream <3 )!!
Anyway, that was just a little rant, what I really wanted to say was: I FINISHED MY ESSAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Okay so for all of you whom I didn't text in a panic, I got an email from one of my class mates reminding me about the TWELVE (12) page essay that was apparently due today. Well, no shit I panicked and flipped my lid until around 4, I found the paper that was handed out to us (which I never read, of course) and saw that it was only a 3 page essay followed by a page of pictures and a bibliography. Since I had only a paragraph down, this didn't bother me. I wrote my essay in an hour and immediately left for my 6:00 class because rush hour driving sucks and takes FOREVER. So I get to school, I have 10 minuets until my class so I run to the Cafe, buy some food because I realize I hadn't eaten since 9 or so, then rush to class stuffing the bagel down my throat because food isn't allowed in the room otherwise you'll be kicked out. I get inside, place my essay on the pile of essays to be turned in and this noise goes off. I look around after sitting down and I look up in time to see my teacher pick up the pile of essays and put them into his desk drawer. He proceeds to say "Well, I hope you all got your essays in because I will no longer be taking them as it is now 6 and on the assignment sheet I clearly stated that any essay submitted after 6 pm will be counted as late and therefore will not be accepted for a grade."
Okay first of all HOLY SHIT I just barely made the cut. Second of all, what a jerk! He generally gives us until the end of class to get our things turned in, I barely noticed the pile of essays on the front table, there weren't any signs saying "Hey, put your essay here!" so he should have announced that he was collecting the essays before saying that as of now no more essays can be turned in. The kid next to me was waiting for him to collect the essays, he had it out in front of him. He won't take it now because it was "late" even though he was in the class before I was and was sitting there waiting to hear what was going on. So dumb, right? Ah well, such is life I guess.
Anyway, that was just a little rant, what I really wanted to say was: I FINISHED MY ESSAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Okay so for all of you whom I didn't text in a panic, I got an email from one of my class mates reminding me about the TWELVE (12) page essay that was apparently due today. Well, no shit I panicked and flipped my lid until around 4, I found the paper that was handed out to us (which I never read, of course) and saw that it was only a 3 page essay followed by a page of pictures and a bibliography. Since I had only a paragraph down, this didn't bother me. I wrote my essay in an hour and immediately left for my 6:00 class because rush hour driving sucks and takes FOREVER. So I get to school, I have 10 minuets until my class so I run to the Cafe, buy some food because I realize I hadn't eaten since 9 or so, then rush to class stuffing the bagel down my throat because food isn't allowed in the room otherwise you'll be kicked out. I get inside, place my essay on the pile of essays to be turned in and this noise goes off. I look around after sitting down and I look up in time to see my teacher pick up the pile of essays and put them into his desk drawer. He proceeds to say "Well, I hope you all got your essays in because I will no longer be taking them as it is now 6 and on the assignment sheet I clearly stated that any essay submitted after 6 pm will be counted as late and therefore will not be accepted for a grade."
Okay first of all HOLY SHIT I just barely made the cut. Second of all, what a jerk! He generally gives us until the end of class to get our things turned in, I barely noticed the pile of essays on the front table, there weren't any signs saying "Hey, put your essay here!" so he should have announced that he was collecting the essays before saying that as of now no more essays can be turned in. The kid next to me was waiting for him to collect the essays, he had it out in front of him. He won't take it now because it was "late" even though he was in the class before I was and was sitting there waiting to hear what was going on. So dumb, right? Ah well, such is life I guess.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Money Rant
Hey so I just wanted to rant a little to you guys. Money. So I know I'm low on money, very low in fact, but does that mean that I don't pitch in where I can when I can? No. Does that mean I don't do things around the house so mom doesn't have to? No. Does that mean I need to be sat down for a ten minuet lecture about how as of next week I will be limited on when I can drive and how long I can stay out? Hell No! Okay I know that I need to pitch in around the house because my parents, out of the goodness of their hearts, haven't kicked me to the curb yet. And praise god I am allowed to wake up at 7 in the morning every Sunday to go to a church that is gracious enough to understand that I needed a year off to collect myself and really think about what I am doing in my life because heaven above knows I have everything sorted now.
*&#@ !!! ( <-- That's a curse word )
I'm 19 years old, living with my parents, trying to balance school and a boyfriend (which has turned into basically a full time job) not to mention trying to keep the house clean so my mom doesn't have to worry about cleaning and watering the plants and sweeping the pool and washing dishes every night. My room is a mess because my free time is spent doing homework. The money I have goes towards food so my parents don't have to feed me throughout the week, whatever I have left goes towards gas for the truck (which by the way, dad, yes I do put my own money into that gas tank, why do you think I don't tell you every time I fill up? I don't want you to worry about having to pay for every single gallon in there).
Let me tell you about my weekly schedule.
SUNDAY:
7:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
8:30 - Drive
9:00 - Church
12:15 - Drive
12:30 - Lunch
1:30 - Drive
2:00 - Home, Free time, Homework
10:00 - Must be home
MONDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
2:45 - Drive
3:20 - Home, Homework, Free time
10:00 - Must be home
TUESDAY:
8:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
9:00 - Youtube video, Blog
10:00 - Housework, Yardwork, Homework
3:00 - Free time, Homework
6:00 - Personal Time (mostly cleaning my room or reading)
10:00 - Must be home
WEDNESDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
2:45 - Drive
3:20 - Home
3:30 - Work out
4:30 - Home
4:45 - Drive
6:00 - AWANA
8:20 - Drive
8:45 - Home
9:00 - Homework
THURSDAY:
8:00 - Wake up, get ready for the day
9:00 - Photography homework
4:00 - Free time, Eat, Other Homework
5:00 - Drive
6:00 - School
9:00 - Drive
9:30 - Home
FRIDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
12:00 - Drive
12:30 - Home, Free time, Homework
4:00 - drive
4:30 - FNM (Friday Night Magic)
10:30 - Drive
11:00 - Home
SATURDAY:
9:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
10:00 - Free time, Homework
12:00 - Work out
1:00 - Home
4:00 - Drive
5:00 - Magic Night
10:30 - Drive
11:30 - Home
Every night I try to be asleep by 11:00, but that rarely happens. Often on Monday and Sunday I end up at my boyfriends place and we hang out until 9:30, 10:00.
The whole point of this is to tell you guys that I keep a regular schedule and that I generally know what happens in my day to day life, and yes, I do leave at 7 in the morning so I can pick up my boyfriend for his class at 8 in the morning even though I don't have class until 9:30. He stays at a friends house on those days and his friend lives on the way to school. I'm headed that way anyways and I don't see the problem with it. Doesn't that just mean I care about my boyfriend? I would do that for most of my friends if they lived between me and the school. My parents are always on my about getting up early because I waste the day away sleeping, so getting up early is what they wanted but now I have a reason to, they get pissed off at me for it. I don't understand. Yes, he moved and now lives 40 minuets away by car, it's a 25 minuet drive if you take the freeway the whole way. Yes, I need a job, I put in 3 more applications today though and even if I don't fill those out right in front of you, I still do them so get off my back, parents! Yes, you had a job at 16, good for you, but this isn't the 70s anymore, this is 2013 and times have certainly changed.
Girls can pay for half of the date now and it is considered okay. Girlfriends drive their boyfriends places when they don't have a vehicle, not all guys have a car! Just because you don't see someone doing something doesn't mean they aren't doing it! And yes, you can take that however you want to!
All of this just goes to say that I am trying to get a job, I am putting my own money towards gas, I don't just taxi my boyfriend around, Yes (oh my god people please stop asking me this) I do still have feeling for my boyfriend, no I have no idea where my cellphone charger is (sorry love...), yes I am still best friends with my best friend even though we don't talk and text all of the time because it is possible to be best friends even if you're not constantly communicating, and last but not least no I have not yet set up an appointment with a college counselor to discuss the upcoming semester even though everyone has been on my case about it!
Sorry, I know this one was long and there was a lot you guys probably missed because of its personal nature, but next blog should be more upbeat and happy and about Halloween. Hopefully. Until next time, guys, stay awesome!
*&#@ !!! ( <-- That's a curse word )
I'm 19 years old, living with my parents, trying to balance school and a boyfriend (which has turned into basically a full time job) not to mention trying to keep the house clean so my mom doesn't have to worry about cleaning and watering the plants and sweeping the pool and washing dishes every night. My room is a mess because my free time is spent doing homework. The money I have goes towards food so my parents don't have to feed me throughout the week, whatever I have left goes towards gas for the truck (which by the way, dad, yes I do put my own money into that gas tank, why do you think I don't tell you every time I fill up? I don't want you to worry about having to pay for every single gallon in there).
Let me tell you about my weekly schedule.
SUNDAY:
7:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
8:30 - Drive
9:00 - Church
12:15 - Drive
12:30 - Lunch
1:30 - Drive
2:00 - Home, Free time, Homework
10:00 - Must be home
MONDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
2:45 - Drive
3:20 - Home, Homework, Free time
10:00 - Must be home
TUESDAY:
8:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
9:00 - Youtube video, Blog
10:00 - Housework, Yardwork, Homework
3:00 - Free time, Homework
6:00 - Personal Time (mostly cleaning my room or reading)
10:00 - Must be home
WEDNESDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
2:45 - Drive
3:20 - Home
3:30 - Work out
4:30 - Home
4:45 - Drive
6:00 - AWANA
8:20 - Drive
8:45 - Home
9:00 - Homework
THURSDAY:
8:00 - Wake up, get ready for the day
9:00 - Photography homework
4:00 - Free time, Eat, Other Homework
5:00 - Drive
6:00 - School
9:00 - Drive
9:30 - Home
FRIDAY:
5:45 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
7:00 - Drive
7:30 - Homework
9:30 - School
12:00 - Drive
12:30 - Home, Free time, Homework
4:00 - drive
4:30 - FNM (Friday Night Magic)
10:30 - Drive
11:00 - Home
SATURDAY:
9:00 - Wake up, Get ready for the day
10:00 - Free time, Homework
12:00 - Work out
1:00 - Home
4:00 - Drive
5:00 - Magic Night
10:30 - Drive
11:30 - Home
Every night I try to be asleep by 11:00, but that rarely happens. Often on Monday and Sunday I end up at my boyfriends place and we hang out until 9:30, 10:00.
The whole point of this is to tell you guys that I keep a regular schedule and that I generally know what happens in my day to day life, and yes, I do leave at 7 in the morning so I can pick up my boyfriend for his class at 8 in the morning even though I don't have class until 9:30. He stays at a friends house on those days and his friend lives on the way to school. I'm headed that way anyways and I don't see the problem with it. Doesn't that just mean I care about my boyfriend? I would do that for most of my friends if they lived between me and the school. My parents are always on my about getting up early because I waste the day away sleeping, so getting up early is what they wanted but now I have a reason to, they get pissed off at me for it. I don't understand. Yes, he moved and now lives 40 minuets away by car, it's a 25 minuet drive if you take the freeway the whole way. Yes, I need a job, I put in 3 more applications today though and even if I don't fill those out right in front of you, I still do them so get off my back, parents! Yes, you had a job at 16, good for you, but this isn't the 70s anymore, this is 2013 and times have certainly changed.
Girls can pay for half of the date now and it is considered okay. Girlfriends drive their boyfriends places when they don't have a vehicle, not all guys have a car! Just because you don't see someone doing something doesn't mean they aren't doing it! And yes, you can take that however you want to!
All of this just goes to say that I am trying to get a job, I am putting my own money towards gas, I don't just taxi my boyfriend around, Yes (oh my god people please stop asking me this) I do still have feeling for my boyfriend, no I have no idea where my cellphone charger is (sorry love...), yes I am still best friends with my best friend even though we don't talk and text all of the time because it is possible to be best friends even if you're not constantly communicating, and last but not least no I have not yet set up an appointment with a college counselor to discuss the upcoming semester even though everyone has been on my case about it!
Sorry, I know this one was long and there was a lot you guys probably missed because of its personal nature, but next blog should be more upbeat and happy and about Halloween. Hopefully. Until next time, guys, stay awesome!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I'm Sick!!!!! And way behind in school............
Hey Blog Readers!!!!! So I am so sorry for not posting a blog thing in forever but I got super busy and I kept telling myself that I would post something tomorrow and I said that for months so.........yeah. I'm sure we all know how that ends up.
So I started school in August, I'm attending the local community college taking 10 units and I'm really enjoying classes. I have an awesome English instructor and I see my friends between classes which is nice since I missed them and rarely saw them during my year off. I'm two months in and I feel a little in over my head, I'm not even a full time student yet and I feel so behind on everything. I just took my Photo midterm, I passed with an 88% which is a lot better than I thought I would get. The test was entirely multiple choice but it was much more difficult than I thought it would be and a lot of the questions were on topics that we had never reviewed or gone over in class so most of us failed. My Illustrator class is moving along nicely, and the professor won't be grading any of the work until the very end of the semester so we have as long as we need to work on the projects and get everything done so that we are comfortable with what we did and how we did it. I really enjoy that fact. My English class is so much fun, the teacher is young and cool, he really makes me feel like I can do everything that he is throwing at me and the essays and work load seem to be simple enough, even though they are still somehow challenging. I have to meet with a counselor to discuss the future at school and decide on classes, I've been putting off contacting the Counseling Center because I feel like everything will be so much ore real, plus I'm still uncomfortable at school and talking to a counselor will cement me attending. I want to transfer to a UC school south of here but I feel like I won't be able to succeed there. I don't even know if I can succeed here.
Getting kinda deep..
Moving on.
So I'm sick. Not "I have a flu." sick, I'm talking coughing sneezing fever headache throwing up everywhere then eating a box of mac n cheese because I'm craving it sick. Yes. Today I ate an entire box of mac n cheese. By myself. I've never done that before, I'm not even sure how it happened, I only meant to eat one bowl, then all of a sudden all of the mac n cheese is gone and I know I'm the one who ate it. Scary how that happens. So I went to school yesterday and because I am sick I sat down with my friends in the lobby, waiting for 9:30 to roll around so I could go to English and then suddenly it was 10:20 and no one had woken me up. I fell asleep and missed my English class which sucked because it is one of those classes where you have to be there for each class in order to do the in class activities and get credit for them. Okay so I missed English, I still had Illustrator at 11:40 so my friends and I went to the cafe for some food because we're all there until late and the cafe has warm food and comfy booths. So I get my fries and I sit down to eat them when my boyfriends comes over and I lean on him. Bad Idea. I woke up at 1:40 and my boyfriend was gone, half the cafe was empty and it was just me and three of my friends sitting at the booth. I can't very well walk into my class two hours late and be all like "Sorry. I fell asleep in the cafe." >.> so I did what any normal person would do: go back to sleep. I was woken up by my boyfriend and then he and I sat there and waited for my brother to get out of class and meet up with us at 2:45. Needless to say I have a lot to catch up on since I've been gone from my classes for a week or so on and off. I know I'm sick and I shouldn't be pushing myself, but I can't help it, I want to go to school and I want to do my work and I want to prove to my disapproving parents that I can in fact do something right and make something out of myself.
Anyways...I'm getting sick again so I'm pretty sure it's about time to throw up the mac n cheese so I'll post again soon and until then, I love you guys for letting me rant here and please stay healthy!!!
So I started school in August, I'm attending the local community college taking 10 units and I'm really enjoying classes. I have an awesome English instructor and I see my friends between classes which is nice since I missed them and rarely saw them during my year off. I'm two months in and I feel a little in over my head, I'm not even a full time student yet and I feel so behind on everything. I just took my Photo midterm, I passed with an 88% which is a lot better than I thought I would get. The test was entirely multiple choice but it was much more difficult than I thought it would be and a lot of the questions were on topics that we had never reviewed or gone over in class so most of us failed. My Illustrator class is moving along nicely, and the professor won't be grading any of the work until the very end of the semester so we have as long as we need to work on the projects and get everything done so that we are comfortable with what we did and how we did it. I really enjoy that fact. My English class is so much fun, the teacher is young and cool, he really makes me feel like I can do everything that he is throwing at me and the essays and work load seem to be simple enough, even though they are still somehow challenging. I have to meet with a counselor to discuss the future at school and decide on classes, I've been putting off contacting the Counseling Center because I feel like everything will be so much ore real, plus I'm still uncomfortable at school and talking to a counselor will cement me attending. I want to transfer to a UC school south of here but I feel like I won't be able to succeed there. I don't even know if I can succeed here.
Getting kinda deep..
Moving on.
So I'm sick. Not "I have a flu." sick, I'm talking coughing sneezing fever headache throwing up everywhere then eating a box of mac n cheese because I'm craving it sick. Yes. Today I ate an entire box of mac n cheese. By myself. I've never done that before, I'm not even sure how it happened, I only meant to eat one bowl, then all of a sudden all of the mac n cheese is gone and I know I'm the one who ate it. Scary how that happens. So I went to school yesterday and because I am sick I sat down with my friends in the lobby, waiting for 9:30 to roll around so I could go to English and then suddenly it was 10:20 and no one had woken me up. I fell asleep and missed my English class which sucked because it is one of those classes where you have to be there for each class in order to do the in class activities and get credit for them. Okay so I missed English, I still had Illustrator at 11:40 so my friends and I went to the cafe for some food because we're all there until late and the cafe has warm food and comfy booths. So I get my fries and I sit down to eat them when my boyfriends comes over and I lean on him. Bad Idea. I woke up at 1:40 and my boyfriend was gone, half the cafe was empty and it was just me and three of my friends sitting at the booth. I can't very well walk into my class two hours late and be all like "Sorry. I fell asleep in the cafe." >.> so I did what any normal person would do: go back to sleep. I was woken up by my boyfriend and then he and I sat there and waited for my brother to get out of class and meet up with us at 2:45. Needless to say I have a lot to catch up on since I've been gone from my classes for a week or so on and off. I know I'm sick and I shouldn't be pushing myself, but I can't help it, I want to go to school and I want to do my work and I want to prove to my disapproving parents that I can in fact do something right and make something out of myself.
Anyways...I'm getting sick again so I'm pretty sure it's about time to throw up the mac n cheese so I'll post again soon and until then, I love you guys for letting me rant here and please stay healthy!!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Just a few thoughts ^-^
Hey you guys, I've been kind of reminiscent lately.. What I mean by that is I've been thinking so much about how I've changed and I'm not sure how many of you read my last post/blog but I just wanted to say thank you for letting me put all of this out here in the open and off of my chest.
I have changed a lot, I don't think the same way I used to and even the way I react to the things around me has drastically changed. I know that is all part of growing up but when you are the one going through this giant realization, well it can be a lot to handle. I have friends who are going through different types of change (smoking, drugs, sex, sneaking out, lying, moving out, college, marriage, kids, etc...) and that's great for them, or not as the case may be. It's hard to decide if I am doing the right thing by making these changes, butwhen you're in the moment it is more difficult to see if the thing that feels right truly is the rigt thing to do. I'm listening to music right now, about to do a little working out and I think it is just so amazing how one song can really influence a persons mood. I was in the car last night driving back from my boyfriends apartment and the whole way I was singing at the top of my lungs to whatever song came on. I had the windows down and the volume cranked up. It was such an amazing experience, since my trucks speakers are broken I can't do that but I drove my mothers little car and that just really put the cherry on top of a great day.
Okay now I really gotta get to my work out! Bye everyone and thanks again!!!
I have changed a lot, I don't think the same way I used to and even the way I react to the things around me has drastically changed. I know that is all part of growing up but when you are the one going through this giant realization, well it can be a lot to handle. I have friends who are going through different types of change (smoking, drugs, sex, sneaking out, lying, moving out, college, marriage, kids, etc...) and that's great for them, or not as the case may be. It's hard to decide if I am doing the right thing by making these changes, butwhen you're in the moment it is more difficult to see if the thing that feels right truly is the rigt thing to do. I'm listening to music right now, about to do a little working out and I think it is just so amazing how one song can really influence a persons mood. I was in the car last night driving back from my boyfriends apartment and the whole way I was singing at the top of my lungs to whatever song came on. I had the windows down and the volume cranked up. It was such an amazing experience, since my trucks speakers are broken I can't do that but I drove my mothers little car and that just really put the cherry on top of a great day.
Okay now I really gotta get to my work out! Bye everyone and thanks again!!!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Personalities.
Hey everyone, it's Riku here and I just wanted to talk real quick about personalities and how odd they truly are. Have you noticed how different each person truly is? I have. My own personality has been changing, as those of you who know me very well have noticed. I guess you could say that I have an alter ego or something along that line, just for laughs I'll refer to her as Grace. Now for a while I do believe talking in third person will be much more understandable and easier to follow.
Now as you have figured out, Riku is a very easily pleased person, she is curious about everything and hates change. Grace, on the other hand, is more interested in her own survival and looks for facts before jumping to conclusion. Both girls have their pros and cons, but to decide which is the better personality would be difficult.
Riku is young at heart and love childish things, she is always smiling around her best friend and boyfriend (even if the smile is fake). She is an artist, always wanting to paint or draw. Riku is open to just about anything, she can sit down on the couch and watch movies all day, or play Facebook games for hours without getting bored. She cares about what people think, even though she'd never admit it, and she wants to help everyone; always looking for the best in people she makes friends easily and even though she likes to hide her past she has no problem using bits and pieces of it to help others. Riku takes the bad and tries to find the good in it, makes jokes when she shouldn't and has little spazzy moments which her boyfriend enjoys pointing out whenever they happen. Riku also has a habit of naturally jumping topics without meaning to and is easily confused.
Grace, on the other hand, can be a lot to handle. She just tries to get through life alive, but pick a fight with her and you will lose. Grace doesn't stay long in one place and long term relationships actually frighten her more than anything, which is her only fear: a fear of commitment. She doesn't like to be still for too long, or spend more than a few hours in one area, so staying all day at one house is like torture. She can cook well and cleans often. Always looking at life like one giant puzzle, she gathers all of the pieces and sorts them out before starting. Grace a special way with words that proves useful in tight situations and when writing stories and essays. She is rarely confused, and is known for being open minded and understanding. She does have a bit of a love for dangerous or risky situations which will challenge her to finding the safest way out, it could be called an adrenalin addict, I would even go so far as to say she is masochistic.
So I only pointed out the major faults with Grace and not with Riku, but this is because at the moment Grace has been more dominant and I can feel more of what she is thinking and wanting. Weird, right? Well I have to find something to do because sitting down to write this took a lot of concentration. Time for some activity!
Now as you have figured out, Riku is a very easily pleased person, she is curious about everything and hates change. Grace, on the other hand, is more interested in her own survival and looks for facts before jumping to conclusion. Both girls have their pros and cons, but to decide which is the better personality would be difficult.
Riku is young at heart and love childish things, she is always smiling around her best friend and boyfriend (even if the smile is fake). She is an artist, always wanting to paint or draw. Riku is open to just about anything, she can sit down on the couch and watch movies all day, or play Facebook games for hours without getting bored. She cares about what people think, even though she'd never admit it, and she wants to help everyone; always looking for the best in people she makes friends easily and even though she likes to hide her past she has no problem using bits and pieces of it to help others. Riku takes the bad and tries to find the good in it, makes jokes when she shouldn't and has little spazzy moments which her boyfriend enjoys pointing out whenever they happen. Riku also has a habit of naturally jumping topics without meaning to and is easily confused.
Grace, on the other hand, can be a lot to handle. She just tries to get through life alive, but pick a fight with her and you will lose. Grace doesn't stay long in one place and long term relationships actually frighten her more than anything, which is her only fear: a fear of commitment. She doesn't like to be still for too long, or spend more than a few hours in one area, so staying all day at one house is like torture. She can cook well and cleans often. Always looking at life like one giant puzzle, she gathers all of the pieces and sorts them out before starting. Grace a special way with words that proves useful in tight situations and when writing stories and essays. She is rarely confused, and is known for being open minded and understanding. She does have a bit of a love for dangerous or risky situations which will challenge her to finding the safest way out, it could be called an adrenalin addict, I would even go so far as to say she is masochistic.
So I only pointed out the major faults with Grace and not with Riku, but this is because at the moment Grace has been more dominant and I can feel more of what she is thinking and wanting. Weird, right? Well I have to find something to do because sitting down to write this took a lot of concentration. Time for some activity!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Up To Date lol
Hey you guys, Riku here and I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed on my life as of now.
This week has been chaotic, everyone seems to be on spring break and so much has been going on, it is crazy! I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain yesterday and I enjoyed every second of it, I had a great group and we all got along pretty well. I even got to stop at a candy shop before we left and got some rather over priced candy which was fun haha
Also recently I have decided to try and learn how to skateboard. My overly kind boyfriend has graciously lent me his in order to practice and attempt not to kill myself while learning. I'd love to be able to do some cool tricks but right now the best I can do it move forward and make wide turns XD I'm learning don't judge lol but it's a great experience, I've had one fall where I actually ended up on the ground, skinned up my elbow a bit and now I had a nice little scab which I'm hoping will scar. I like scars, they tell stories ^-^
What else.....I've been painting the bathroom and entryway which started out as a chore but now it is becoming a little more fun. I got to pick out the color and all of that, I am basically done which makes me sad. I think I told you guys about it already but I'm still happy and excited so I might as well tell you again haha no harm in that, right?
I am very unexcited about seeing my family for Easter, which is normal for me, but Easter isn't really one of my hated holidays. I'm just really not feeling the "Let's get together for a holiday and eat until we want to die like we do every holiday" theme we seem to always attach to our gatherings. hat might have a lot to do with the fact that I have been arguing so much more with my parents lately, though. However! Today my family has been unusually kind and quiet. It is so much so that it almost frightens me. I can feel it, this feeling in the air around us that buzzes with unspoken words and a tension so thick that it threatens to suffocate me. I'm waiting for someone to snap, it will happen sooner or later. :/ oh well
NOW FOR THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!
My Bestie is in town for a few days and tomorrow we are going to hang out and have fun and be lovers happy at the mall holding hands and talking and shopping and just being there and I am so excited because I feel like I haven't seen her is ages!
Yeah lol so I'm really happy about that haha Have a great life everyone! And keep checking in, alright? I've been wanting to post more and more but this week has been kinda..chaotic XD
This week has been chaotic, everyone seems to be on spring break and so much has been going on, it is crazy! I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain yesterday and I enjoyed every second of it, I had a great group and we all got along pretty well. I even got to stop at a candy shop before we left and got some rather over priced candy which was fun haha
Also recently I have decided to try and learn how to skateboard. My overly kind boyfriend has graciously lent me his in order to practice and attempt not to kill myself while learning. I'd love to be able to do some cool tricks but right now the best I can do it move forward and make wide turns XD I'm learning don't judge lol but it's a great experience, I've had one fall where I actually ended up on the ground, skinned up my elbow a bit and now I had a nice little scab which I'm hoping will scar. I like scars, they tell stories ^-^
What else.....I've been painting the bathroom and entryway which started out as a chore but now it is becoming a little more fun. I got to pick out the color and all of that, I am basically done which makes me sad. I think I told you guys about it already but I'm still happy and excited so I might as well tell you again haha no harm in that, right?
I am very unexcited about seeing my family for Easter, which is normal for me, but Easter isn't really one of my hated holidays. I'm just really not feeling the "Let's get together for a holiday and eat until we want to die like we do every holiday" theme we seem to always attach to our gatherings. hat might have a lot to do with the fact that I have been arguing so much more with my parents lately, though. However! Today my family has been unusually kind and quiet. It is so much so that it almost frightens me. I can feel it, this feeling in the air around us that buzzes with unspoken words and a tension so thick that it threatens to suffocate me. I'm waiting for someone to snap, it will happen sooner or later. :/ oh well
NOW FOR THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!
My Bestie is in town for a few days and tomorrow we are going to hang out and have fun and be lovers happy at the mall holding hands and talking and shopping and just being there and I am so excited because I feel like I haven't seen her is ages!
Yeah lol so I'm really happy about that haha Have a great life everyone! And keep checking in, alright? I've been wanting to post more and more but this week has been kinda..chaotic XD
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Charmander Thursday XD
Hey you guys, it's Riku again and I just figured I could jump on here real quick and talk for a bit. Maybe say hello and possibly get a response (however unlikely). So today I had a really good day, it's Thursday and normally I'm not fond of Thursday, it sounds ugly and and it holds no real greatness in my opinion, but today has been really good. I painted for hours this morning and I sang and I got to eat some pretty good food. I guess it was just one of those randomly good days where nothing super great happens but it all seems 10X better than it really is and just...yeah so that's just my own little thoughts for the day. I have been drawing pictures of basic Pokemon, I drew a Charmander for a friend of mine, hopefully he will get it on Saturday since we're trading. He is working on a Charmander sticker for me and it return I drew him a picture. I also have a Squirtle and Bulbasaur. I want to work on being able to drat the basic first or so generation of Pokemon because I really do love the show and it makes me happy and Misty will forever be my one and only girl, she was the original and she is awesome and you can argue all you want I don't care, you won't change my mind lol
So I'm going to go listen to some tunes now, maybe get some sleep, I'll talk to you all again, just felt like jumping on here and posting a little bit about my thoughts haha thank you, as always, for following up with my blog and although I don't always have a consistent pattern for these posts, I do appreciate you guys checking in every now and then just to catch up ^-^
BYE!!!
So I'm going to go listen to some tunes now, maybe get some sleep, I'll talk to you all again, just felt like jumping on here and posting a little bit about my thoughts haha thank you, as always, for following up with my blog and although I don't always have a consistent pattern for these posts, I do appreciate you guys checking in every now and then just to catch up ^-^
BYE!!!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Just an off day
Today has been an off day. A very long very tiresome off day. I don'tmean off as in I'm not working or going to school today, I mean off as in nothing has gone right but it wasn't a bad day just one of those days where you have that feeling of not being right or okay. Even though you are fine. Idk...maybe it's just me haha
I'm still sick. It could be my sickness that has made me feel so odd all day. Even my bestie noticed that something was off about me.
I woke up a one this afternoon, almost twelve hours of sleep which should be good for someone who is sick, right? If that is so then why do I not feel well? The wind blew lightly through the many windchimes that my father has been collecting. He loves the sound of the chime singing with the wind as it flies through the treetops of our back yard.
I have just high enough of a fever to still be considered ill in this household. 99.0 and up is considered sick to my mother. I am 99.2
I burned my grilled cheese. I haven't burnt a grilled cheese in over four years. I forgot how the blackened bread is so much sweeter than a golden brown white bread. I use whole wheat, which is why I think it to be so sweet, burning the bread cooks the grains and I'm not sure why, but they taste sweet to me.
I've been cleaning my room today. Not the house, just my room. I haven't cleaned the house all week which means I won't get paid on Saturday. I hit $300 this month. I'm saving so I can move out. I don't like to live here. I don't feel wanted or welcome. I'm just here, always somehow in the way. My goal was to move out by the end of June, but with the way things are going, I won't be out of here until 2014 which is not an option for me.
I've been really into that "screamo" (can't remember what it's really called) music lately. My younger brother came into my room and asked me how I could listen to it. He said "it's just people screaming at the top of their lungs" and that it was annoying. I looked at him any smiled, thinking in my head "I listen to it because I do not have the option of screaming out at the top of my lungs. That is all I want to do. Scream."
I'll leave you guys with that for now. See ya.
I'm still sick. It could be my sickness that has made me feel so odd all day. Even my bestie noticed that something was off about me.
I woke up a one this afternoon, almost twelve hours of sleep which should be good for someone who is sick, right? If that is so then why do I not feel well? The wind blew lightly through the many windchimes that my father has been collecting. He loves the sound of the chime singing with the wind as it flies through the treetops of our back yard.
I have just high enough of a fever to still be considered ill in this household. 99.0 and up is considered sick to my mother. I am 99.2
I burned my grilled cheese. I haven't burnt a grilled cheese in over four years. I forgot how the blackened bread is so much sweeter than a golden brown white bread. I use whole wheat, which is why I think it to be so sweet, burning the bread cooks the grains and I'm not sure why, but they taste sweet to me.
I've been cleaning my room today. Not the house, just my room. I haven't cleaned the house all week which means I won't get paid on Saturday. I hit $300 this month. I'm saving so I can move out. I don't like to live here. I don't feel wanted or welcome. I'm just here, always somehow in the way. My goal was to move out by the end of June, but with the way things are going, I won't be out of here until 2014 which is not an option for me.
I've been really into that "screamo" (can't remember what it's really called) music lately. My younger brother came into my room and asked me how I could listen to it. He said "it's just people screaming at the top of their lungs" and that it was annoying. I looked at him any smiled, thinking in my head "I listen to it because I do not have the option of screaming out at the top of my lungs. That is all I want to do. Scream."
I'll leave you guys with that for now. See ya.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Hello Again..
Hello again everyone. It's Riku here. No, I haven't forgotten about you guys, my life just got a bit hectic and I never had the time to finish a post, or even post anything at all. I caught a cold, so that put everything in my world on pause for a day or two. I couldn't go to AWANA and see my kids which made me sad. It also made me think. Is seeing those kids, those four beautiful children, sitting at a small table with them, listening to their verses and helping them find the right crayon for coloring...is that really the highlight of my week? I know I always feel happy after AWANA, but I never thought that missing one week of if would really be able to make me so sad. I've been sad lately, hardly smiling or laughing. Yeah, sure, I have been watching lots of Anime, catching up on the feew TV shows I enjoy, but I don't really smile anymore. Not real smiles.
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Such An Odd Day
I woke up this morning and something felt off. Not something, everything. As I walked through the house for my morning shower, it was as though my body were moving without my brain saying where to go or what to do. This isn't anything new to me, seeing as mornings and I don't normally get along, but this time it was different. I attended church, but I still felt no more control over my actions than earlier this morning. It was the same through lunch.
My boyfriend came over after lunch and we painted and took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding area. I had control over my words, even control over my actions, but I still felt as though I were watching everything take place somewhere else, on a screen or in a book. I'm not trying to say that my life is a story being written out or anything like that, I'm saying that this is what it felt like.
By the time I had taken my boyfriend home it was almost 10, and on the drive back to my place, I spotted a truck on the side of the road. There was a young man standing nearby and he gave me a look of lost confusion. I got home raced to my father and told him to help the guy out since he was so close to our house. He agreed and went with a few conditions.
1 I stay in the vehicle with the doors locked and windows rolled up
2 I talk only to him
3 First sign of trouble I hit the gas and get out of there as fast as possible and call 9-1-1
It wasn't until after we had finished and returned home that he told me he had taken his gun with him just in case.
Though I got to help someone today, I still feel as though my day was a bit off. Something wasn't quite right. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
I sent a text to my Bestie today, trying to describe my day. It came out like this:
"All day I have felt as though watching it all happen through a glass. Although I can see only from my point of view, I felt in a daze throughout each passing event."
That's the best way I have come up with to describe my day and how I have felt.
(No work out today, just the long walk with my boyfriend and that's it)
My boyfriend came over after lunch and we painted and took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding area. I had control over my words, even control over my actions, but I still felt as though I were watching everything take place somewhere else, on a screen or in a book. I'm not trying to say that my life is a story being written out or anything like that, I'm saying that this is what it felt like.
By the time I had taken my boyfriend home it was almost 10, and on the drive back to my place, I spotted a truck on the side of the road. There was a young man standing nearby and he gave me a look of lost confusion. I got home raced to my father and told him to help the guy out since he was so close to our house. He agreed and went with a few conditions.
1 I stay in the vehicle with the doors locked and windows rolled up
2 I talk only to him
3 First sign of trouble I hit the gas and get out of there as fast as possible and call 9-1-1
It wasn't until after we had finished and returned home that he told me he had taken his gun with him just in case.
Though I got to help someone today, I still feel as though my day was a bit off. Something wasn't quite right. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
I sent a text to my Bestie today, trying to describe my day. It came out like this:
"All day I have felt as though watching it all happen through a glass. Although I can see only from my point of view, I felt in a daze throughout each passing event."
That's the best way I have come up with to describe my day and how I have felt.
(No work out today, just the long walk with my boyfriend and that's it)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Lazy Cleaner Hahahaha (whoa off topic!!)
Wow I've been lazy with my "change" XD four days in and this is my first post? I seriously need to fix that hahaha okay well it is still technically the morning of day four, I got off to sort of a late start today since I was up til three watching Legally Blonde the Musical on youtube hahaha it was really good, I enjoyed it a lot ^-^
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
It's A New Year!
I love New Year, it is my favorite holiday, by far. I guess you could say that it is symbolic or something, but I have always seen it as the beginning of a new chapter, the start of something new and exciting like the turning of a page in a great book or something like that. It's when I would normally go through my phone and delete a bunch of people that I don't talk to anymore, it's the time when everyone is more willing to try something new. I gues that includes me as well ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
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