Hello Again..

Hello again everyone. It's Riku here. No, I haven't forgotten about you guys, my life just got a bit hectic and I never had the time to finish a post, or even post anything at all. I caught a cold, so that put everything in my world on pause for a day or two. I couldn't go to AWANA and see my kids which made me sad. It also made me think. Is seeing those kids, those four beautiful children, sitting at a small table with them, listening to their verses and helping them find the right crayon for coloring...is that really the highlight of my week? I know I always feel happy after AWANA, but I never thought that missing one week of if would really be able to make me so sad. I've been sad lately, hardly smiling or laughing. Yeah, sure,  I have been watching lots of Anime, catching up on the feew TV shows I enjoy, but I don't really smile anymore. Not real smiles.
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!