I'm Sick!!!!! And way behind in school............

Hey Blog Readers!!!!! So I am so sorry for not posting a blog thing in forever but I got super busy and I kept telling myself that I would post something tomorrow and I said that for months so.........yeah. I'm sure we all know how that ends up.

So I started school in August, I'm attending the local community college taking 10 units and I'm really enjoying classes. I have an awesome English instructor and I see my friends between classes which is nice since I missed them and rarely saw them during my year off. I'm two months in and I feel a little in over my head, I'm not even a full time student yet and I feel so behind on everything. I just took my Photo midterm, I passed with an 88% which is a lot better than I thought I would get. The test was entirely multiple choice but it was much more difficult than I thought it would be and a lot of the questions were on topics that we had never reviewed or gone over in class so most of us failed. My Illustrator class is moving along nicely, and the professor won't be grading any of the work until the very end of the semester so we have as long as we need to work on the projects and get everything done so that we are comfortable with what we did and how we did it. I really enjoy that fact. My English class is so much fun, the teacher is young and cool, he really makes me feel like I can do everything that he is throwing at me and the essays and work load seem to be simple enough, even though they are still somehow challenging. I have to meet with a counselor to discuss the future at school and decide on classes, I've been putting off contacting the Counseling Center because I feel like everything will be so much ore real, plus I'm still uncomfortable at school and talking to a counselor will cement me attending. I want to transfer to a UC school south of here but I feel like I won't be able to succeed there. I don't even know if I can succeed here.

Getting kinda deep..

Moving on.

So I'm sick. Not "I have a flu." sick, I'm talking coughing sneezing fever headache throwing up everywhere then eating a box of mac n cheese because I'm craving it sick. Yes. Today I ate an entire box of mac n cheese. By myself. I've never done that before, I'm not even sure how it happened, I only meant to eat one bowl, then all of a sudden all of the mac n cheese is gone and I know I'm the one who ate it. Scary how that happens. So I went to school yesterday and because I am sick I sat down with my friends in the lobby, waiting for 9:30 to roll around so I could go to English and then suddenly it was 10:20 and no one had woken me up. I fell asleep and missed my English class which sucked because it is one of those classes where you have to be there for each class in order to do the in class activities and get credit for them. Okay so I missed English, I still had Illustrator at 11:40 so my friends and I went to the cafe for some food because we're all there until late and the cafe has warm food and comfy booths. So I get my fries and I sit down to eat them when my boyfriends comes over and I lean on him. Bad Idea. I woke up at 1:40 and my boyfriend was gone, half the cafe was empty and it was just me and three of my friends sitting at the booth. I can't very well walk into my class two hours late and be all like "Sorry. I fell asleep in the cafe." >.> so I did what any normal person would do: go back to sleep. I was woken up by my boyfriend and then he and I sat there and waited for my brother to get out of class and meet up with us at 2:45. Needless to say I have a lot to catch up on since I've been gone from my classes for a week or so on and off. I know I'm sick and I shouldn't be pushing myself, but I can't help it, I want to go to school and I want to do my work and I want to prove to my disapproving parents that I can in fact do something right and make something out of myself.

Anyways...I'm getting sick again so I'm pretty sure it's about time to throw up the mac n cheese so I'll post again soon and until then, I love you guys for letting me rant here and please stay healthy!!!

Just a few thoughts ^-^

Hey you guys, I've been kind of reminiscent lately.. What I mean by that is I've been thinking so much about how I've changed and I'm not sure how many of you read my last post/blog but I just wanted to say thank you for letting me put all of this out here in the open and off of my chest.
I have changed a lot, I don't think the same way I used to and even the way I react to the things around me has drastically changed. I know that is all part of growing up but when you are the one going through this giant realization, well it can be a lot to handle. I have friends who are going through different types of change (smoking, drugs, sex, sneaking out, lying, moving out, college, marriage, kids, etc...) and that's great for them, or not as the case may be. It's hard to decide if I am doing the right thing by making these changes, butwhen you're in the moment it is more difficult to see if the thing that feels right truly is the rigt thing to do. I'm listening to music right now, about to do a little working out and I think it is just so amazing how one song can really influence a persons mood. I was in the car last night driving back from my boyfriends apartment and the whole way I was singing at the top of my lungs to whatever song came on. I had the windows down and the volume cranked up. It was such an amazing experience, since my trucks speakers are broken I can't do that but I drove my mothers little car and that just really put the cherry on top of a great day.
Okay now I really gotta get to my work out! Bye everyone and thanks again!!!

Personalities.

Hey everyone, it's Riku here and I just wanted to talk real quick about personalities and how odd they truly are. Have you noticed how different each person truly is? I have. My own personality has been changing, as those of you who know me very well have noticed. I guess you could say that I have an alter ego or something along that line, just for laughs I'll refer to her as Grace. Now for a while I do believe talking in third person will be much more understandable and easier to follow.

Now as you have figured out, Riku is a very easily pleased person, she is curious about everything and hates change. Grace, on the other hand, is more interested in her own survival and looks for facts before jumping to conclusion. Both girls have their pros and cons, but to decide which is the better personality would be difficult.
Riku is young at heart and love childish things, she is always smiling around her best friend and boyfriend (even if the smile is fake). She is an artist, always wanting to paint or draw. Riku is open to just about anything, she can sit down on the couch and watch movies all day, or play Facebook games for hours without getting bored. She cares about what people think, even though she'd never admit it, and she wants to help everyone; always looking for the best in people she makes friends easily and even though she likes to hide her past she has no problem using bits and pieces of it to help others. Riku takes the bad and tries to find the good in it, makes jokes when she shouldn't and has little spazzy moments which her boyfriend enjoys pointing out whenever they happen. Riku also has a habit of naturally jumping topics without meaning to and is easily confused.
Grace, on the other hand, can be a lot to handle. She just tries to get through life alive, but pick a fight with her and you will lose. Grace doesn't stay long in one place and long term relationships actually frighten her more than anything, which is her only fear: a fear of commitment. She doesn't like to be still for too long, or spend more than a few hours in one area, so staying all day at one house is like torture. She can cook well and cleans often. Always looking at life like one giant puzzle, she gathers all of the pieces and sorts them out before starting. Grace a special way with words that proves useful in tight situations and when writing stories and essays. She is rarely confused, and is known for being open minded and understanding. She does have a bit of a love for dangerous or risky situations which will challenge her to finding the safest way out, it could be called an adrenalin addict, I would even go so far as to say she is masochistic.

So I only pointed out the major faults with Grace and not with Riku, but this is because at the moment Grace has been more dominant and I can feel more of what she is thinking and wanting. Weird, right? Well I have to find something to do because sitting down to write this took a lot of concentration. Time for some activity!

Up To Date lol

Hey you guys, Riku here and I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed on my life as of now.

This week has been chaotic, everyone seems to be on spring break and so much has been going on, it is crazy! I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain yesterday and I enjoyed every second of it, I had a great group and we all got along pretty well. I even got to stop at a candy shop before we left and got some rather over priced candy which was fun haha
Also recently I have decided to try and learn how to skateboard. My overly kind boyfriend has graciously lent me his in order to practice and attempt not to kill myself while learning. I'd love to be able to do some cool tricks but right now the best I can do it move forward and make wide turns XD I'm learning don't judge lol but it's a great experience, I've had one fall where I actually ended up on the ground, skinned up my elbow a bit and now I had a nice little scab which I'm hoping will scar. I like scars, they tell stories ^-^
What else.....I've been painting the bathroom and entryway which started out as a chore but now it is becoming a little more fun. I got to pick out the color and all of that, I am basically done which makes me sad. I think I told you guys about it already but I'm still happy and excited so I might as well tell you again haha no harm in that, right?
I am very unexcited about seeing my family for Easter, which is normal for me, but Easter isn't really one of my hated holidays. I'm just really not feeling the "Let's get together for a holiday and eat until we want to die like we do every holiday" theme we seem to always attach to our gatherings. hat might have a lot to do with the fact that I have been arguing so much more with my parents lately, though. However! Today my family has been unusually kind and quiet. It is so much so that it almost frightens me. I can feel it, this feeling in the air around us that buzzes with unspoken words and a tension so thick that it threatens to suffocate me. I'm waiting for someone to snap, it will happen sooner or later. :/ oh well

NOW FOR THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!

My Bestie is in town for a few days and tomorrow we are going to hang out and have fun and be lovers happy at the mall holding hands and talking and shopping and just being there and I am so excited because I feel like I haven't seen her is ages!
Yeah lol so I'm really happy about that haha Have a great life everyone! And keep checking in, alright? I've been wanting to post more and more but this week has been kinda..chaotic XD

Charmander Thursday XD

Hey you guys, it's Riku again and I just figured I could jump on here real quick and talk for a bit. Maybe say hello and possibly get a response (however unlikely). So today I had a really good day, it's Thursday and normally I'm not fond of Thursday, it sounds ugly and and it holds no real greatness in my opinion, but today has been really good. I painted for hours this morning and I sang and I got to eat some pretty good food. I guess it was just one of those randomly good days where nothing super great happens but it all seems 10X better than it really is and just...yeah so that's just my own little thoughts for the day. I have been drawing pictures of basic Pokemon, I drew a Charmander for a friend of mine, hopefully he will get it on Saturday since we're trading. He is working on a Charmander sticker for me and it return I drew him a picture. I also have a Squirtle and Bulbasaur. I want to work on being able to drat the basic first or so generation of Pokemon because I really do love the show and it makes me happy and Misty will forever be my one and only girl, she was the original and she is awesome and you can argue all you want I don't care, you won't change my mind lol
So I'm going to go listen to some tunes now, maybe get some sleep, I'll talk to you all again, just felt like jumping on here and posting a little bit about my thoughts haha thank you, as always, for following up with my blog and although I don't always have a consistent pattern for these posts, I do appreciate you guys checking in every now and then just to catch up ^-^
BYE!!!

Just an off day

Today has been an off day. A very long very tiresome off day. I don'tmean off as in I'm not working or going to school today, I mean off as in nothing has gone right but it wasn't a bad day just one of those days where you have that feeling of not being right or okay. Even though you are fine. Idk...maybe it's just me haha
I'm still sick. It could be my sickness that has made me feel so odd all day. Even my bestie noticed that something was off about me.
I woke up a one this afternoon, almost twelve hours of sleep which should be good for someone who is sick, right? If that is so then why do I not feel well? The wind blew lightly through the many windchimes that my father has been collecting. He loves the sound of the chime singing with the wind as it flies through the treetops of our back yard.
I have just high enough of a fever to still be considered ill in this household. 99.0 and up is considered sick to my mother. I am 99.2
I burned my grilled cheese. I haven't burnt a grilled cheese in over four years. I forgot how the blackened bread is so much sweeter than a golden brown white bread. I use whole wheat, which is why I think it to be so sweet, burning the bread cooks the grains and I'm not sure why, but they taste sweet to me.
I've been cleaning my room today. Not the house, just my room. I haven't cleaned the house all week which means I won't get paid on Saturday. I hit $300 this month. I'm saving so I can move out. I don't like to live here. I don't feel wanted or welcome. I'm just here, always somehow in the way. My goal was to move out by the end of June, but with the way things are going, I won't be out of here until 2014 which is not an option for me.
I've been really into that "screamo" (can't remember what it's really called) music lately. My younger brother came into my room and asked me how I could listen to it. He said "it's just people screaming at the top of their lungs" and that it was annoying. I looked at him any smiled, thinking in my head "I listen to it because I do not have the option of screaming out at the top of my lungs. That is all I want to do. Scream."
I'll leave you guys with that for now. See ya.

Hello Again..

Hello again everyone. It's Riku here. No, I haven't forgotten about you guys, my life just got a bit hectic and I never had the time to finish a post, or even post anything at all. I caught a cold, so that put everything in my world on pause for a day or two. I couldn't go to AWANA and see my kids which made me sad. It also made me think. Is seeing those kids, those four beautiful children, sitting at a small table with them, listening to their verses and helping them find the right crayon for coloring...is that really the highlight of my week? I know I always feel happy after AWANA, but I never thought that missing one week of if would really be able to make me so sad. I've been sad lately, hardly smiling or laughing. Yeah, sure,  I have been watching lots of Anime, catching up on the feew TV shows I enjoy, but I don't really smile anymore. Not real smiles.
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!