Hey you guys, Riku here and I just wanted to bring everyone up to speed on my life as of now.
This week has been chaotic, everyone seems to be on spring break and so much has been going on, it is crazy! I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain yesterday and I enjoyed every second of it, I had a great group and we all got along pretty well. I even got to stop at a candy shop before we left and got some rather over priced candy which was fun haha
Also recently I have decided to try and learn how to skateboard. My overly kind boyfriend has graciously lent me his in order to practice and attempt not to kill myself while learning. I'd love to be able to do some cool tricks but right now the best I can do it move forward and make wide turns XD I'm learning don't judge lol but it's a great experience, I've had one fall where I actually ended up on the ground, skinned up my elbow a bit and now I had a nice little scab which I'm hoping will scar. I like scars, they tell stories ^-^
What else.....I've been painting the bathroom and entryway which started out as a chore but now it is becoming a little more fun. I got to pick out the color and all of that, I am basically done which makes me sad. I think I told you guys about it already but I'm still happy and excited so I might as well tell you again haha no harm in that, right?
I am very unexcited about seeing my family for Easter, which is normal for me, but Easter isn't really one of my hated holidays. I'm just really not feeling the "Let's get together for a holiday and eat until we want to die like we do every holiday" theme we seem to always attach to our gatherings. hat might have a lot to do with the fact that I have been arguing so much more with my parents lately, though. However! Today my family has been unusually kind and quiet. It is so much so that it almost frightens me. I can feel it, this feeling in the air around us that buzzes with unspoken words and a tension so thick that it threatens to suffocate me. I'm waiting for someone to snap, it will happen sooner or later. :/ oh well
NOW FOR THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!
My Bestie is in town for a few days and tomorrow we are going to hang out and have fun and be lovers happy at the mall holding hands and talking and shopping and just being there and I am so excited because I feel like I haven't seen her is ages!
Yeah lol so I'm really happy about that haha Have a great life everyone! And keep checking in, alright? I've been wanting to post more and more but this week has been kinda..chaotic XD
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Charmander Thursday XD
Hey you guys, it's Riku again and I just figured I could jump on here real quick and talk for a bit. Maybe say hello and possibly get a response (however unlikely). So today I had a really good day, it's Thursday and normally I'm not fond of Thursday, it sounds ugly and and it holds no real greatness in my opinion, but today has been really good. I painted for hours this morning and I sang and I got to eat some pretty good food. I guess it was just one of those randomly good days where nothing super great happens but it all seems 10X better than it really is and just...yeah so that's just my own little thoughts for the day. I have been drawing pictures of basic Pokemon, I drew a Charmander for a friend of mine, hopefully he will get it on Saturday since we're trading. He is working on a Charmander sticker for me and it return I drew him a picture. I also have a Squirtle and Bulbasaur. I want to work on being able to drat the basic first or so generation of Pokemon because I really do love the show and it makes me happy and Misty will forever be my one and only girl, she was the original and she is awesome and you can argue all you want I don't care, you won't change my mind lol
So I'm going to go listen to some tunes now, maybe get some sleep, I'll talk to you all again, just felt like jumping on here and posting a little bit about my thoughts haha thank you, as always, for following up with my blog and although I don't always have a consistent pattern for these posts, I do appreciate you guys checking in every now and then just to catch up ^-^
BYE!!!
So I'm going to go listen to some tunes now, maybe get some sleep, I'll talk to you all again, just felt like jumping on here and posting a little bit about my thoughts haha thank you, as always, for following up with my blog and although I don't always have a consistent pattern for these posts, I do appreciate you guys checking in every now and then just to catch up ^-^
BYE!!!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Just an off day
Today has been an off day. A very long very tiresome off day. I don'tmean off as in I'm not working or going to school today, I mean off as in nothing has gone right but it wasn't a bad day just one of those days where you have that feeling of not being right or okay. Even though you are fine. Idk...maybe it's just me haha
I'm still sick. It could be my sickness that has made me feel so odd all day. Even my bestie noticed that something was off about me.
I woke up a one this afternoon, almost twelve hours of sleep which should be good for someone who is sick, right? If that is so then why do I not feel well? The wind blew lightly through the many windchimes that my father has been collecting. He loves the sound of the chime singing with the wind as it flies through the treetops of our back yard.
I have just high enough of a fever to still be considered ill in this household. 99.0 and up is considered sick to my mother. I am 99.2
I burned my grilled cheese. I haven't burnt a grilled cheese in over four years. I forgot how the blackened bread is so much sweeter than a golden brown white bread. I use whole wheat, which is why I think it to be so sweet, burning the bread cooks the grains and I'm not sure why, but they taste sweet to me.
I've been cleaning my room today. Not the house, just my room. I haven't cleaned the house all week which means I won't get paid on Saturday. I hit $300 this month. I'm saving so I can move out. I don't like to live here. I don't feel wanted or welcome. I'm just here, always somehow in the way. My goal was to move out by the end of June, but with the way things are going, I won't be out of here until 2014 which is not an option for me.
I've been really into that "screamo" (can't remember what it's really called) music lately. My younger brother came into my room and asked me how I could listen to it. He said "it's just people screaming at the top of their lungs" and that it was annoying. I looked at him any smiled, thinking in my head "I listen to it because I do not have the option of screaming out at the top of my lungs. That is all I want to do. Scream."
I'll leave you guys with that for now. See ya.
I'm still sick. It could be my sickness that has made me feel so odd all day. Even my bestie noticed that something was off about me.
I woke up a one this afternoon, almost twelve hours of sleep which should be good for someone who is sick, right? If that is so then why do I not feel well? The wind blew lightly through the many windchimes that my father has been collecting. He loves the sound of the chime singing with the wind as it flies through the treetops of our back yard.
I have just high enough of a fever to still be considered ill in this household. 99.0 and up is considered sick to my mother. I am 99.2
I burned my grilled cheese. I haven't burnt a grilled cheese in over four years. I forgot how the blackened bread is so much sweeter than a golden brown white bread. I use whole wheat, which is why I think it to be so sweet, burning the bread cooks the grains and I'm not sure why, but they taste sweet to me.
I've been cleaning my room today. Not the house, just my room. I haven't cleaned the house all week which means I won't get paid on Saturday. I hit $300 this month. I'm saving so I can move out. I don't like to live here. I don't feel wanted or welcome. I'm just here, always somehow in the way. My goal was to move out by the end of June, but with the way things are going, I won't be out of here until 2014 which is not an option for me.
I've been really into that "screamo" (can't remember what it's really called) music lately. My younger brother came into my room and asked me how I could listen to it. He said "it's just people screaming at the top of their lungs" and that it was annoying. I looked at him any smiled, thinking in my head "I listen to it because I do not have the option of screaming out at the top of my lungs. That is all I want to do. Scream."
I'll leave you guys with that for now. See ya.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Hello Again..
Hello again everyone. It's Riku here. No, I haven't forgotten about you guys, my life just got a bit hectic and I never had the time to finish a post, or even post anything at all. I caught a cold, so that put everything in my world on pause for a day or two. I couldn't go to AWANA and see my kids which made me sad. It also made me think. Is seeing those kids, those four beautiful children, sitting at a small table with them, listening to their verses and helping them find the right crayon for coloring...is that really the highlight of my week? I know I always feel happy after AWANA, but I never thought that missing one week of if would really be able to make me so sad. I've been sad lately, hardly smiling or laughing. Yeah, sure, I have been watching lots of Anime, catching up on the feew TV shows I enjoy, but I don't really smile anymore. Not real smiles.
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!
I had a friend come visit me this last weekend, let's call her Belle since that is her favorite Disney Princess. Belle came to visit me, stayed with me for three days and two nights, hardly leaving me side even for a minuet. At first I though it would be troublesome, but it turned out that I had really missed all of those things she made me do. I miss having sleep overs with people and going to the mall just to try on the expensive clothes and embarassing friends by showing them a corset you want to get. Yes, I did walk out of my stall just to show Belle the corset of my dreams. $70 over my budget (which is zero dollars sadface). I missed being a girl and going places, hanging out with people and walking everywhere, running around and begging to see a movie at 10 o'clock at night. I don't do any of that anymore. I go places, yeah, but I don't feel like I really am living my life.
I don't feel happy. I feel like everything I have been doing, everything I am doing..it's all just me going through the motions trying my best not to get hurt. It doesn't work. I still get hurt, I've got the scars to prove it, too.
It is rainning here. I'm sitting on my bed, PJs on, listening to the rain in the drain pipe. It must be only a light sprinkle, but it was enough to bring on a memory flash back of the rain when I was younger. I used to hate the rain. I saw it as an ugly sign that God was crying tears of hurt, just like mine. I cried myself to sleep most of the time when I was younger. Starting from about fifth grade up until about my freshman year. I cried every night until I fell asleep.
I guess that's about it for now, catch up with everyone later. BYE!!!!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Such An Odd Day
I woke up this morning and something felt off. Not something, everything. As I walked through the house for my morning shower, it was as though my body were moving without my brain saying where to go or what to do. This isn't anything new to me, seeing as mornings and I don't normally get along, but this time it was different. I attended church, but I still felt no more control over my actions than earlier this morning. It was the same through lunch.
My boyfriend came over after lunch and we painted and took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding area. I had control over my words, even control over my actions, but I still felt as though I were watching everything take place somewhere else, on a screen or in a book. I'm not trying to say that my life is a story being written out or anything like that, I'm saying that this is what it felt like.
By the time I had taken my boyfriend home it was almost 10, and on the drive back to my place, I spotted a truck on the side of the road. There was a young man standing nearby and he gave me a look of lost confusion. I got home raced to my father and told him to help the guy out since he was so close to our house. He agreed and went with a few conditions.
1 I stay in the vehicle with the doors locked and windows rolled up
2 I talk only to him
3 First sign of trouble I hit the gas and get out of there as fast as possible and call 9-1-1
It wasn't until after we had finished and returned home that he told me he had taken his gun with him just in case.
Though I got to help someone today, I still feel as though my day was a bit off. Something wasn't quite right. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
I sent a text to my Bestie today, trying to describe my day. It came out like this:
"All day I have felt as though watching it all happen through a glass. Although I can see only from my point of view, I felt in a daze throughout each passing event."
That's the best way I have come up with to describe my day and how I have felt.
(No work out today, just the long walk with my boyfriend and that's it)
My boyfriend came over after lunch and we painted and took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding area. I had control over my words, even control over my actions, but I still felt as though I were watching everything take place somewhere else, on a screen or in a book. I'm not trying to say that my life is a story being written out or anything like that, I'm saying that this is what it felt like.
By the time I had taken my boyfriend home it was almost 10, and on the drive back to my place, I spotted a truck on the side of the road. There was a young man standing nearby and he gave me a look of lost confusion. I got home raced to my father and told him to help the guy out since he was so close to our house. He agreed and went with a few conditions.
1 I stay in the vehicle with the doors locked and windows rolled up
2 I talk only to him
3 First sign of trouble I hit the gas and get out of there as fast as possible and call 9-1-1
It wasn't until after we had finished and returned home that he told me he had taken his gun with him just in case.
Though I got to help someone today, I still feel as though my day was a bit off. Something wasn't quite right. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
I sent a text to my Bestie today, trying to describe my day. It came out like this:
"All day I have felt as though watching it all happen through a glass. Although I can see only from my point of view, I felt in a daze throughout each passing event."
That's the best way I have come up with to describe my day and how I have felt.
(No work out today, just the long walk with my boyfriend and that's it)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Lazy Cleaner Hahahaha (whoa off topic!!)
Wow I've been lazy with my "change" XD four days in and this is my first post? I seriously need to fix that hahaha okay well it is still technically the morning of day four, I got off to sort of a late start today since I was up til three watching Legally Blonde the Musical on youtube hahaha it was really good, I enjoyed it a lot ^-^
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
It's A New Year!
I love New Year, it is my favorite holiday, by far. I guess you could say that it is symbolic or something, but I have always seen it as the beginning of a new chapter, the start of something new and exciting like the turning of a page in a great book or something like that. It's when I would normally go through my phone and delete a bunch of people that I don't talk to anymore, it's the time when everyone is more willing to try something new. I gues that includes me as well ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
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