I woke up this morning and something felt off. Not something, everything. As I walked through the house for my morning shower, it was as though my body were moving without my brain saying where to go or what to do. This isn't anything new to me, seeing as mornings and I don't normally get along, but this time it was different. I attended church, but I still felt no more control over my actions than earlier this morning. It was the same through lunch.
My boyfriend came over after lunch and we painted and took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding area. I had control over my words, even control over my actions, but I still felt as though I were watching everything take place somewhere else, on a screen or in a book. I'm not trying to say that my life is a story being written out or anything like that, I'm saying that this is what it felt like.
By the time I had taken my boyfriend home it was almost 10, and on the drive back to my place, I spotted a truck on the side of the road. There was a young man standing nearby and he gave me a look of lost confusion. I got home raced to my father and told him to help the guy out since he was so close to our house. He agreed and went with a few conditions.
1 I stay in the vehicle with the doors locked and windows rolled up
2 I talk only to him
3 First sign of trouble I hit the gas and get out of there as fast as possible and call 9-1-1
It wasn't until after we had finished and returned home that he told me he had taken his gun with him just in case.
Though I got to help someone today, I still feel as though my day was a bit off. Something wasn't quite right. I'm not sure how else to describe it.
I sent a text to my Bestie today, trying to describe my day. It came out like this:
"All day I have felt as though watching it all happen through a glass. Although I can see only from my point of view, I felt in a daze throughout each passing event."
That's the best way I have come up with to describe my day and how I have felt.
(No work out today, just the long walk with my boyfriend and that's it)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Lazy Cleaner Hahahaha (whoa off topic!!)
Wow I've been lazy with my "change" XD four days in and this is my first post? I seriously need to fix that hahaha okay well it is still technically the morning of day four, I got off to sort of a late start today since I was up til three watching Legally Blonde the Musical on youtube hahaha it was really good, I enjoyed it a lot ^-^
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
I've spent my days cleaning, I don't understand why, but I have wanted to clean everything lately and it is beginning to bug me. Luck for me my room is a mess otherwise I think I would go crazy. I cleaned the bathroom twice, and I am itching to sweep up the kitchen. Gosh you guys it's like there is something wrong with me lol I've had cleaning moods, but they never really last for days, you know? I just thought that was weird and wanted to share.
Okay so I don't know if I ever told you guys but I applied for the local community college a while ago and they gave me a student email and an orientation to finish and all that good stuff, right? Well I'm not sure what happened but I got locked out of the orientation a week ago or so and I called the school like three times but got hung up on while the call was transferring or something. So I closed it down and tried again and again and again and it got really annoying and this has been going on ever since. Well the assessment test was suppose to take place yesterday, right? I called the school a few days ago to reserve my seat but they were all like "Have you completed the orientation?" I was all "No, I have a few questions about it actually-" and they'd cut me off all like "You need to complete the orientation before I can reserve your seat for assessment testing blah blah blah" and it got really annoying, it's like they don't want me to attend their school which isn't too surprising I mean, it's me, you know? I've never been that great of a student and I'm not sure I'm even that great of a person I mean I have friends and 'friends' and a Bestie and boyfriend but the more I think about it the less I think they actually know me, you know? I mean, it's no fault of theirs, I just have a habbit of keeping people at a distance. Less likely to get hurt that way, you can still get hurt, but it's more difficult though. I mean, my Bestie and my boyfriend both know my really well, but they know me in different ways. They know me the best, and I tell them more than I tell everyone else put togeter but tell everyone different things and I guess I have told everything about myself but to different people in different quantities and if every single person I ever knew got together and shared every little thing about me it would probably be my entire life and they would all be confused because my entire life is ver y different than the bits and pieces that I have shared. It's like I live a contradiction and . . . whoa I got way off topic XD
Okay so it's like they don't want me to attend their school, I mean, I haven't done anything bad to them so I'm not sure why they wouldn't want me :( I guess I'll just call back and see if I can switch my beginning semester from Spring to Summer (if they even offer summer classes). Not sure how my dad will feel about that, he is already prepared to kick me out. I mean, I have a place I can go come summer but I finally got my room the way I want it. . . that's kind of a small thing I guess, but it's taken me forever and lots of hard work to get it situated so that I am happy with it!
10 sets or 10 sit ups
5 sets of ten push ups
as of 11:58 am
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
It's A New Year!
I love New Year, it is my favorite holiday, by far. I guess you could say that it is symbolic or something, but I have always seen it as the beginning of a new chapter, the start of something new and exciting like the turning of a page in a great book or something like that. It's when I would normally go through my phone and delete a bunch of people that I don't talk to anymore, it's the time when everyone is more willing to try something new. I gues that includes me as well ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
I'm not one who normally makes a NewYearsResolution but I decided to break from my tradition and not make a resolution but rather a change. I want to start working out (*GASP*) I know, MissLazy wants to work out? Do something acive?? Is she quite well???
Yes, I am quite well, I am also beginning to see just how unhealthy my life style is. Truth be told, I'm kind of getting tired of doing nothing and being lazy. I'm going to be trying to post on here everyday and at the bottom of each daily post I'll be completely honest with my activity levels, I'm talking about walks and biking and sit ups, push up jumping jacks, anything and everything that I did. No more being lazy for me. I'm trying to be healthy and active and do something with my life. I want to be different than the rest of my family, I want to be ative and run and be free. I want to be in control of my own future and not have anyone else be able to tell me what I can or cannot do.
I'm not trying to be part of a revolution or anything, I'm just trying to be my own person. I'm trying to change and be better than I was, a Riku2.0 I guess you could say. I've found a great song that I had never heard before today, I wanted to share it with you, before I go. Tell me what you think, it's called Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab ^-^
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